Girlfriends, Blogfriends, and the Circle of Friends

May 07, 2006

#Life#Depth and Faith

I’ve mentioned how hard it is to break up with a girlfriend before. And the thing about this blogging bidniz is that we’re not in college anymore, we’re not staying up late giggling over the boys next door or laughing about the person down the hall, but we’re up late online, from our houses holding sleeping children and husbands (maybe) and giggling over websites. It’s like dorm-life for the grown up. It’s “girls night out” every night. It’s “we’re really 14 on the inside and let’s gossip about what SHE did…”

So we make friends online. People think you are either 1) very ugly or horribly unable to go in to public because why on EARTH would you have to make friends online or 2) just that pathetic and lonely.

Maybe. But who isn’t?


  1. I like to think of my blogging friends as real life friends.  I know it has hurt my feelings when I had a comment deleted off a blog and it wasn’t even a bad comment. 

    I also think like high school, the blogosphere has clickes, and it’s hard to let in those.  But I’m still a shy 13 year old who wants too, even when I realize I have nothing in common with the crowd that doesn’t want me.

    By Melissa on 2006 05 07

  2. You know, I’ve only been blogging since December, but I’ve already met some fantastic people.  And a few of these people have provided me with support when my “real life” friends were too busy or unaware that I needed support.  So, I totally agree that the feelings we have about our online friends are just as real as with the friends we actually see in person.

    Btw, I’m loving your blog so much, too!  Right now I feel like I’m on a mission to find cool people who are not within the “rockstar blog clique” and so far I’m finding people who are even cooler!

    By Stephanie A. on 2006 05 07

  3. I had no idea that I would connect with some cool people online like you (and R*Belle and Charla and Anne!) Unfortunately my IRL relationships have probably “suffered” somewhat with me trying to juggle the mama/work/wife thing. But I do feel like I’ve connected with people online through their blogs and I would feel comfortable meeting you all out for coffee or a margarita or whatever if you are ever in Nashville. So the relationships might be online, but I think the emotions and friendships made can be real.

    By Jamie on 2006 05 07

  4. Hmm, I think you’ve been in my head again?! I’ve been thinking these thoughts lately too because even though I still read a lot, I don’t comment because I have little time and have to see what every one is up to! With that, I feel guilty, like I’ve been a bad bloggy friend. I like this outlet in my life right now. I like reading about everyone’s challenges and triumphs. It makes me feel human, even if it is “online.”

    By speechjane on 2006 05 07

  5. As one of those people who reads more than comments, and who sits on the other end of the computer thinking you (and others) are pretty cool, thanks for this.  You read my mind.

    By Sitting Still on 2006 05 07

  6. That totally hit the spot. One of my best friends is a bloggy friend and we do stay up giggling on IM while watching American Idol. And sometimes I feel hurt when a blog I comment on often and list in my blogroll comments sometimes and doesn’t list me at all. I take it personally! And I shouldn’t. Just different circles, babe.

    By Susie on 2006 05 07

  7. As one who is still making college friends, but also is making friends within the blogging community, I’d say they’re equally as difficult. In real life sometimes it’s hard for me to know what a person needs from me in order to become friends and online it’s the same way. I’d like to think that people will read my blog and then visit again, but how do I know what they want in every case?

    By Ambrosia on 2006 05 07

  8. Mmm-hmm.  Would I be seen as freaky if I said I’ve actually lost (a little, but still) sleep over waning bloggy friendships?  Which is a bit ironic seeing as how I suck at maintaining said bloggy friendships but still….

    It’s tough and, yeah, it hurts.  Sometimes a lot.  You read these peoples *lives* - and they, maybe, read yours.  There’s a connection there that’s very different from your normal friendships (unless you exchange daily journal-like letters with your real-life friends, too).

    That said I shall also add (to quote the great and powerful Rex from “Toy Story”): “Great - now I have guilt!”  wink

    By Seuss on 2006 05 07

  9. It has to be real because otherwise why would anyone write anything while giving others the ability to comment? It’s a little give and take which leads to common points, new perspectives, and ultimately knowledge…we learn a little more each time, about the people who read our ramblings/bitching/rampant insecurities. With the exception, obviously, of all the freaky stalkers who never comment.

    By texasbelle on 2006 05 07

  10. I agree and I am totally guilty of all that. Seriously - I miss you all though.


    By Nicole on 2006 05 07

  11. *sniff*sniff* I think online friendships as real.everything you said in this post, I have felt as well. very well said.

    By Bree on 2006 05 07

  12. I think your SUPERCOOLL and I would have coffee with you anytime smile

    I do think online friedships are real.

    By brandi on 2006 05 08

  13. I have only been blogging a very short while.  I do think that online friendships are real.  I actually think they may be more real.  We have the courage to say the truth here because it is somehow annonomous.  In real life sometimes we don’t say the truth because it might hurt someone’s feelings.  If you put a picture of youself in new blouse and asked if it looks good on you, we would tell you the truth.  Someone standing in front of you in real life might tell you it looks good even if it doesn’t just to avoid hurting your feelings.

    I think this makes up for the lack of getting out we get after we have kids.

    By Trisha on 2006 05 08

  14. IRL, I am one of those shy ones that takes a while to warm up and finds a small group of true friends and sticks with them.  Online, I feel that often I can bypass the ‘warm-up’ time and just jump right into the conversation and be myself.  Although I don’t blog myself, I enjoy the ease of how connections with other people can be made.

    This sounds like an interesting sociology thesis project!

    By Amy on 2006 05 08

  15. I think that online friendships are a lot like friendships in real life. Some are real and some are not.

    By denise on 2006 05 08

  16. I’ve wanted to comment on this all day, but damn if work didn’t get in the way!

    I believe a friend is someone you think of fondly as you go throughout your day.  It is totally normal for me to think of my bloggy friends just as I do the friends I have “irl.”  Someone said earlier, i think, that there are times you can turn to your online friends when you can’t talk to the friends face-to-face.  While the distance is one con of an online friendship, it can also be a boost to one’s confidience.  Although right now it is harder to talk/confide in my friends online (IM seems like a distant memory!), I anticipate once again enjoying the fun I used to have!

    By Charla on 2006 05 08

  17. I DO think that our blogging buddies mirror that of our “real” buddies. Things happen. And you get too busy to blog or to go out to coffee. It sucks, it does. Especially when you’re NOT the one who’s too busy.
    i do need to start bloggin again. But you see, I’m just toooooo busy! AGH!

    By candice on 2006 05 09

  18. Great post! 

    I think online friendships can be real… very real, for the most part.  At the same time they are different than friendships IRL…. you can think about how/what you want to say and reword it a zillion times to get it just right before you post it- instead of just blurting out the first thing you can think of!  And it gives the people who can’t get a word in edgewise a chance to speak uP!

    By Holly on 2006 05 10

  19. A few months ago, Snarfle was in town and do you know what we were discussing? Our BLOGGING FRIENDS! LOL It was so funny and what really made it weird was to actually verbally “talk” about blogs and the ladies we read everyday instead of typing it out.

    I think blog relationships are like the “real” thing.  I’ve made some major life changes recently because of the inspiration I’ve recevied from blogs.

    By ^starshine on 2006 05 10

  20. My best friends are women I’ve met online via blog or message boards. smile

    I have a select few bloggers I feel more of an attachment too, who’d I’d love to meet (waves your way). But, I’ve been a bad blog friend, I’ve become the lazy commenter. I jsut, I feel like I’m not special enough for these people to care what I have to say so I stop saying anything. :( I like to ruin friendships, real, imagined, online and off. I suck.

    By Sarah on 2006 05 10