I. Give. Up.

Oct 06, 2008


My daughter turns four this month. My sweet, lovely, baby-powder fresh girl turns four.

I mean fifteen.

I mean four.

The mouthiness, the arguing, the smarting-off combined with a child who STILL PEES HERSELF several times A DAY is giving me more gray hair, more crazy bags.

She’s four and I already don’t know what to do with her.

I want to tell you all about this weekend and how we had a lovely girl’s night at a Casino and how we have wonderful plans for more photos, more reviews, more podcasts. I want to post those pictures of the leisure Olympics. I want to tell you that I get to meet one of my clients IN PERSON today. I want to tell you how my son is turning in to a little boy (A REAL BOY!) and how my daughter loves to quantify her love. “I love you four thousand!” she yells from upstairs during the eye of the storm. I want to tell you all these fun and wonderful things happening and instead all I can think of is this:

I. Give. Up.

She’s four. She starts the day with, “But I don’t WANNA” and ends it with “NOOooOOOOOO. You are MEAN” and I’m so tired of it. So very very tired.

I’m tired six thousand.

But I love her seven thousand.

And she loves me eight.


  1. ummm…I gave birth to one of those a little over 4 years ago. I’m not sure there is an end in sight for us. 

    I think we should start a “mothers of teenage toddlers” support group.

    M.O.T.T. (you can be Pres, purely based on your previous post- oh yeah, you’re qualified!)

    By Little Miss on 2008 10 06

  2. I hear ya. I have a little dude in my house who’s 3 going on 13.

    By Ness on 2008 10 06

  3. We’ve got a little girl who turns 4 next week.  I hope it gets better for you…three has been a dream…I hope 4 is too!  Hang in there!

    Our boy was the tough one!

    By Amy on 2008 10 06

  4. Yes.  Four is sucking for me too.  My son was the most adorable three year old (thank God because I was on the verge of selling him by 2.9…But like a mack truck, my son became HELL.ON.WHEELS with horrible tantrums, back talking, etc.  I’m feeling your pain.

    By Nette @ SmilingMom.com on 2008 10 06

  5. Yeah, Lily’s in a similar phase at 5.  I kinda want to give her back.  But I wouldn’t know how to go about doing that.  And I do love her just a wee bit more than she is crazy.  Sigh.  Nap?  Just for the mamas?  Please?

    By Elaine on 2008 10 06

  6. I never knew that when they turned four they could sometimes turn into teenagers.  Until my best friend’s daughter turned four.  Holy mood swings & drama!

    By Rachael on 2008 10 06

  7. Loved meeting you today!  Absolutely loved it!  Hope we didn’t scare you too much with our stories of what happens when that precious little 4 year old grows up and becomes a preteen.  Oh so not pretty…

    By Chris on 2008 10 06

  8. Perhaps you can lock her in a tower until she turns 21.

    By MariaV on 2008 10 07

  9. Miss C is 6 going on 16 some days. The thing I hate lately is she is on this “you’re JUST a BABY” thing with her little sister. It’s enough to make me want to leave for a few days every month when I have PMS. And drink. Hard liquor. wink

    By Jamie on 2008 10 07

  10. Wait… you mean, it doesn’t stop after three?  Bethany turned three on Friday… people TOLD me “terrible twos,” then they said “Oh, NOOOOOO, it’s not TWO, it’s THREEEEEEE.”  Now, you are seriously telling me the hell doesn’t really start until FOUR?

    I give up with you.

    By Katie Kat on 2008 10 07

  11. Remember when they were tiny and we thought, “If only they communicate and tell me what’s wrong it would be so much easier.” LOL

    By Melizzard on 2008 10 07

  12. A little while after four something magical happens, they become REAL PEOPLE! (Who still pee themselves, and sometimes poop themselves and won’t eat Mayonaise.) They are all kinds of funny and fun, and that whole horrible three thing is a distant memory.

    Except on the days when they tell you they hate you and want a new mom.

    But I think that is you know practice for the teenage years and good material for my book, “Things I Never Should Have Said To My Mother.”

    Hang in there!
    I love you ten billion times a jillion.

    By Mrs. Tantrum on 2008 10 07

  13. Omigosh, this is so us. I love it. So sweet and bittersweet. Sigh. smile

    By syd on 2008 10 07

  14. Cute - my 3yo measures his love in cups. (“Mama, I love you 10 cups!”)

    By Colleen - Mommy Always Wins on 2008 10 07

  15. I wish I could tell you it gets easier, but before you know it 4 will be 21….sighhhhh

    By megryansmom on 2008 10 07

  16. When it comes to potty training, child birth, weddings, everyone has a story than can one up you.  I’m sure I might could one-up a few people in some of those areas, but in dealing with a 4 year old and potty training…..I tell you this, only to make you feel better about yourself and your daughter…. not just to one-up you.

    My son will be 4 in November.  He is the youngest, a brother 5.5.  Normally when I discuss the almost 4 year old anymore, I say, “my 3.75 year old child who refuses to potty train”.  Now, by that, I do not mean that he is having accidents or night time what evers.  My 5.5 year old still wears a pull-up at night.  I’m not bothered by that at all.

    But, my 3.75 year old son refuses to get near a toilet.  He will not remove his clothes, he will kick and scream if you try, although at bath time and after, he runs wild through the house screaming “I’m naked”.  But, if he has any idea that your plan is for him to sit his tinny little hiney on that toilet and take care of his business, you can forget it.

    Dr’s have recommended letting him do his business outside.  Great idea doc, you come show me how to get him to pull his pants down?  What about “peeing off the porch”, well, another wonderful idea if you can get his pants down. 

    Continued in next comment b/c I talk too much.

    By Jerri Ann on 2008 10 08

  17. If you simply do not put a pull-up on him or don’t buy them or put them out of his reach, he will pee where ever, when ever and will wear wet clothes until they are dripping before ever telling you that he is wet.  I’ve put him through 9 outfits and 6 pair of socks on one occasion because I AM THE MOMMY AND YOU WILL NOT WEAR PULL-UPS ANY LONGER.  And, yes, I still am the mommy and I simply laundered stinky urine coated outfits…9 of them, in one day…and he didn’t ask to be changed, we changed him when he had pee’d so much his socks were wet.  (This was when we owned the daycare and I had help, no one could get him to go to the potty.  He would stand in the lobby when his class made their trip to the potty with his arms folded, his lip stuck out completely refusing to have anything to do with the whole notion.)

    Now, finally at 3.75, he does finally at least go hide to poop.  However, he does not care if you change the poopy pull-up or not.  He will poop in underwear too and doesn’t care, he is that stubborn.  We’ve tried making him change it himself, he gags and heaves and won’t even touch the clean wipes.

    And, there in lies the problem.  Of course, lots of well meaning folks have suggested that we take him to the doctor.  And, I trying to be nice explain that there is no doctor in the world who can cure stubborn behavior.  The kid is that stubborn.

    People don’t believe me, but for the last year, when I would tell people for the first time that he wasn’t potty trained, they would say, ‘well, he is just not ready” and I’d say, ok, yea maybe.  They would run into me 3 months later and when they heard again that he wasn’t potty trained, they would start to say things like “your kidding, maybe you should take him to the doctor”...

    And, again, a doctor can’t cure stubborn.  As it is right now, there are 2 things going on.  One of them is he is stubborn.  He spent over an hour in his room crying the other night because he refused to say “excuse me”.  About every ten minutes, my husband and I would call him out, ask him if he was ready to say “excuse me for burping” and he would just start wailing and stomp back to his room to scream some more. 

    That’s not unusual.  He will ask for something to drink, “GET ME SOMETHING TO DRINK!”  To which we reply, “when you ask nicely, we will”.  He will make his hard demands a few more times and usually at least 45 minutes to an hour later, he will say, “can I have something to drink please?”

    I’m telling you the kid is stubborn.  Secondly, he likes being the baby.  My 5.5 year old is big.  He wears a size 7 pants and he is lean but very tall.  My 3.75 year old child that is not potty trained is still wearing his 2T shorts AND that’s with a pull-up on.  He is going to be 4 years old wearing size 2 clothes.  Never mind that my 5 year old has dark hair and dark eyes and talks alot.  People like him, he talks to them.  But, 3.75 year old kid that’s not potty trained is blonde, small and compact, wild and tries to play the shy role…so he gets way more attention that the 5.5 year old. 

    The 5.5 year old’s love is measured like this:

    5.5:  I love you mommy
    Me:  I love you too (or he hears 2)
    5.5:  Well, I love you 31

    Because obviously 31 is more than 2 so he loves me more than I love him.

    My 3.75 year old son that is not potty trained does not love anyone for any reason at any time.  Until, he figures out that he can’t sleep in my bed, then he loves me over and over.  He does not love me enough to use the potty though.

    My mother (being of old school) suggested that we spank him when he wet his pants.  I told her that I understood that people did that years ago and the time might come that I resort to that but for now, it isn’t an option. 

    To which she replied, “well I bet if you spanked his butt a few times, he would stop that and start using the potty like he should….but if you do decide to do that…..don’t spank him in front of me ok?”

    Great idea there Mom!

    Now, I’ve written you a novel which was only intended to be me de-lurking for de-lurking day which I started and have buttons on my blog for…..and you got, instead a novel.

    I am going to proof read it but sometimes, when my fingers talk too much, I just don’t know how to make them stop.  So, if something reads weird, read between the lines.

    Oh and good luck!  Because my 3.75 year old son that is not potty trained also loves me all the way to the ceiling fan some nights just to get to sleep with me.  HA!  Who does he think he is fooling?

    By Jerri Ann on 2008 10 08

  18. I hear you sister.  My youngest just turned four on Monday and during the course of a day I must be her “best friend” then “not your best friend” or “mean mommy” a dozen times a day.  But her hugs and “guess what!? I love you’s” make up for it all.

    By Tammy on 2008 10 08