I’m not ready for this

30/Aug/2010

This year the leaves are not the only things changing this season. My oldest starts first grade, my youngest moves in to Montessori, I turn thiry-five. I am not ready in the same way my Mother used to tell me how Christmas came too early. As a child, that sentence, “Christmas can’t be here already?!” was as unfounded as it gets. Christmas too early? Mom’s gone crazy again.

I am not ready.

I drove away this morning, literally crying, as I left my son for his last day at his daycare. He waved, blew a kiss and signed “I love you” as our usual drop-off routine necessitates. But this time, I was crying, thinking of how much he’s grown and learned, remembering back to the first few times I left him there, scared, worried, watching him cry as I walked away. He’s become a boy there, a real boy, growing from an insecure toddler into the healthy, funny, loving little man I enjoy today.

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I have to thank the the people who loved him while I was gone for that.

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I remember so vividly my summers at my baby-sitter’s house. I think of her sometimes as I parent my own children, flashing back to 1982 playing outside with her daughters as she cleaned the house or made our lunches. I remember her like a second mother to me, as much of an influence in my life as any adult I’ve known.

People who raise children, don’t only raise their own.

It truly takes a village.

So to my son’s village, to the ladies who have kissed owies, and changed diapers, and read stories to my son when I wasn’t able to: Thank you. Thank you for being such an amazing influence in his life and for teaching him in ways he will subconsciously always take with him. He’s a lucky little man to have had this time with you all. You will be missed.

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Comments

  1. Now I’m crying.

    It’s SO hard. So damn hard.

    *hugs*

    By sam {temptingmama} on 2010 08 30

  2. Weird. My whole comment posted backwards. LOL

    By sam {temptingmama} on 2010 08 30

  3. My site is having some .. um.. issues? It’s me. I’m failing at HTML5. smile

    By Mrs. Flinger on 2010 08 30

  4. it’s comforting to know i’m not the only one who breaks down over these life changes. We’ve gone through 2 nannies, 3 daycares and 1 montessori school…i break down every dang time..reflecting back to how much they’ve grown and changed. Knowing how much these caregivers have influenced who these little people are becoming…I am afraid I won’t be able to deal with first day of kindergarten this year…lord help us through a lifetime of changes..

    By wendy smith on 2010 08 30

  5. so so sweet.  as an inhome preschool teacher, it means a lot to hear that parents realize how much their children mean to us!
    its so hard, but rewarding, watching children grow up so fast!
    thanks for sharing!

    By kat on 2010 08 30

  6. As I read this and see these pictures, my heart swells with pride and sinks with saddness.  I’ve loved this little boy and will carry him in my heart forever!  He’s made me laugh so hard, I’ve cried and given such sweet love to all of us.  I always am sorry to see one of my kids leave, but I know they must move on.  This one child will leave a hole in the daycare, and yes we will fill his position, but we will never be able to replace his absense.  We will miss you all as a family as well!  You are wonderful, real parents and I admire how much you love your children (even at the frustrating moments).  You have my heart!

    By Pam Keeler on 2010 08 30

  7. I am glad you remember your times with our family in such a loving way; I remember you too Honey as part of my family.  I read your blog frequently to keep up with you.  I would love to hear from you sometime.  Love, Mrs. Keys

    By Laurie Keys on 2010 08 30

  8. Happy birthday, Mrs. Flinger! Your words are shared in so many ways. I recall such things too, as my Son Chad is thirty-one. But it?s the memories, which are as if it were only yesterday, when such times were only then making the memory. How wonderful to have those times and now those memories. There also comes a time when one looks into a looking glass and sees their mother or farther, whatever the case maybe, whose staring back at you. Isn?t life grand? Time is indeed precious, which I?ve written about some of mine in Mommy?s Writings: Mommy, would you like a sandwich? But then again, having previously visited your website, you might remember me. I enjoy your world; thanks for sharing. For me, I look at birthdays just as a number. I don?t count the years because it?s in the living that matters and its memories. What I do count are my blessings and never the years.

    Suzanne McMillen-Fallon, Published Author (year-end 2010)
    http://www.strategicbookpublishing.com/Mommy?s Writings: Mommy, would you like a sandwich?

    By Suzanne on 2010 08 31