It’s my birthday and I’ll cry if I wanna

27/Oct/2006

I silently prayed that I would not spend my 31st birthday this weekend sitting in a dark corner bawling over a baby I lost. I prayed every day since I found out I’d be seen this week, that I did not want to hear bad news days before my birthday. Not that 31 means anything. Actually, it means pretty much nothing. Just another year in the bag, another day in the pot, an excuse for a pregnant lady to eat cheesecake, maybe, but over all just not much more than 24 hours and 31 years of life marked “finished.”

As fate would have it, I’ll be bawling any way.

I’ve been crying most of the past two weeks or so. This is very confusing for LB. “Mommy sad?” she’ll ask. “No. Mommy is happy, sweetie. See?” I cry when I remember I’m pregnant. I cry when I’m so tired I feel woozy and dizzy. I cry when I’m nauseated, which is about 20 hours a day, and I cry when I see a tiny baby, or baby clothes, or baby socks, or baby blankets (you get the idea here) because I want another one. And I get to have that.

And oh my god we are having another baby.

I read tonight that there’s now less than a 10% chance of miscarriage. Guess what? I cried. That’s awesome. I’m thrilled. I’m relieved. I’m also crying. I cry because I’m so tired already, so impatient with LB now and so fragile to my core. Who is this weepy lady? Who is the thickening woman sitting on the couch crying at a commercial. It’s so stereo-typical, it’s a bit sad.

I’m a freakin’ cliche.

This weekend I get to be celebrated. Paige has offered to take LB so Mr. Flinger and I can go on a date. We’ll have to go to a comedy. I’m sure I’ll cry anyway.

Now, excuse me, but I need to grab another tissue. Mr. Flinger is watching WWE and the midget finally won and, well, that’s just the sweetest thing I’ve ever seen. :: sniff ::

Hi

8 guests here now.

Comments

  1. Happy Birthday Mrs. 31
    Try to relax and have some fun.
    Stop the crying, it’s energy lost.
    Kick your fears in the arse; show ‘em who’s boss.
    I’m sending you well wishes and lot’s of love
    and when you need it most, cyber hugs.
    Just remember, your life is full of joy,
    And here’s hoping (OK praying) that you’re having a boy.

    - Just 4 U by ME!!!!!

    By KristinaB on 2006 10 27

  2. Invest in nice cotton hankerchiefs or stock in the lotion-y Kleenex.  And keep crying away.

    Psst - you have recommendations of any specatular family/toddler-friendly restaurants in the Kent/Renton/U-District that are a must to try?  smile

    By lanna on 2006 10 27

  3. Happy Birthday!  It’s my birthday weekend too! (Sunday)  I’ve been crying pretty badly for the past few weeks.  It’s irrational and at times embarrassing, but at least it means those hormones are doing what they’re supposed to right? 

    Hope you have a great birthday and take a hanky raspberry

    By Jennifer on 2006 10 27

  4. Happy Birthday Leslie!!!

    I’m so happy for you!!!! smile

    OMG, about the midget… frickin’ hi-larious!!!

    Just know, I will be having a drink for you, since you can’t - and isn’t that what freinds are for?

    Muah!

    By tjsmommy on 2006 10 27

  5. FRIENDS, not freinds.  Wow… maybe those three beers at dinner were a BAD idea?!

    By tjsmommy on 2006 10 27

  6. Happy Birthday (You’re still a pup)! and Happy HAPPY congratulory Pregnancy thoughts from me!
    Good luck!
    Liesl

    PS.
    Did you actually say Midget? That’s so so wrong!LMAO!
    Whoops did I make you cry!LOL!

    By LittleMrsComfyShoes on 2006 10 28

  7. Happy, happy 31st birthday girly! I can’t think of anyone who deserves to have a more wonderful weekend than you. Enjoy your date with Mr. F and take a box of tissues. Now stop it…you’re gonna make me cry.

    p.s. don’t watch Bambi or Dumbo while in this state of mind

    By Jamie on 2006 10 28

  8. Happy Happy Birthday Leslie!!!! Enjoy your night with Mr.F.

    Enjoy every minute of turning 31 and the life you have created inside you.

    By Amanda on 2006 10 28

  9. Happy birthday!  And bawl your eyes out if you want to!  You have a fabulously wonderful excuse!

    By snarflemarfle on 2006 10 28

  10. Happy Birthday weekend!  Have an amazing date night with Mr. F.  Celebrate…have a ton of fun…and bawl your eyes out (even if you go to a comedy smile )

    By Marjorie on 2006 10 28

  11. Have a great birthday!  I’ll just call you Mrs. HcG for the next few months.  heh!

    xox

    By Leanne on 2006 10 28

  12. Ahhhh!!  Happy Birthday!!  Hope it’s a great one!

    By Seuss on 2006 10 28

  13. Happy belated Birthday!  I have the hardest time remembering birthdays, even though I should remember you are an October one!

    That is great you get to have a date night!  Have FUN!

    By Holly on 2006 10 28

  14. Happy birthday! smile Make it a great one!

    By erin on 2006 10 28

  15. Happy Birthday Les.  Enjoy your date and savor the celebration with just you and Mr. F, and of course little CB too!

    By traci on 2006 10 28

  16. Happy Birthday!  Hope you have a nice evening out…so nice that Auntie Paige is close now!

    I second getting the tissue w/ lotion - I am at week 34 now and can still cry about anything just like that!

    By AmyM on 2006 10 28

  17. Happy Birthday!  I hope your date was fantastic - tears or no tears.  Yeah, you know the preconception.com chinese gender predictor says we’re having boys.  How do you feel about that?  Oh! Don’t cry…m’kay!

    By Charla on 2006 10 28

  18. Happy Birthday to you smile

    By Gabrielle on 2006 10 28

  19. Happy Birthday!  At least you are crying happy tears!  Hope your weekend is wonderful.  smile

    By dee on 2006 10 28

  20. Awww! Happy birthday Mrs. Flinger! Happy date & celebrate night!!

    By Marie on 2006 10 28