At some point you start thinking maybe you are pregnant and don’t know it like one of those tv shows

03/Mar/2010

What’s that expression? Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice, shame on me. Think I’m pregnant three times I might as well jump off something very very high.

Is that right?

If you’re not following me on twitter (which, why not?*) you may have missed the part where my daughter’s teacher congratulated me on being pregnant yesterday. I replied, as I have before, “Oh, no, not pregnant” and she stumbled and said, “Oh, I probably look pregnant, too, uh…” and it was awkward, as it always is, and then I went home and cried, like I always do.

Because she’s not in the wrong to think it simply based on appearance.

Here’s the thing: I recently described my body to the doctor as one of those puzzles where you match the head, torso and legs only my torso completely doesn’t match. It’s all round and flabby while the arms are strong and my legs are lean.

image

I’m a broken puzzle, y’all.

I work out. I cut back on sugar. I endulge sometimes because I believe in having a life-style, not a diet, but I try to drink lots of water, eat lots of veggies and pick the right thing more times than not.

And yet, these abs, y’all. THESE ABS. They are stretched in ways they hang like last year’s coat in my childrens’ closet.

Blech.

I see it at Yoga. I am strong and powerful. I’ve been told I have a “beautiful practice” and yet I look like no yogi in the room. Instead, I lay over my flabby abs in Pigon and stare at disdain for the stomach that used to hold a shape. I tell myself not to hate it because it grew the children I adore and love and who love me regardless of how I feel about my abs.

32.2 weeks

My abs stretched and created life and why I hate them for it is simply because of this one fact:

THERE IS NO MORE LIFE IN IT.

Now it is painful ovulation and one big hazard to anyone wanting to wish me well.

Like my friend’s Mother in Law.

Like the Pioneer Woman, Ree.

Like my daughter’s teacher.

I took a picture of my shirt realizing it’ll be the last time I wear it. I can understand why she thought I was pregnant. I don’t hate her for it. I don’t think she was rude. I think she made a mistake, one I’d probably make myself if I wasn’t all too aware of the hurt it caused.

image

It’s not her fault I look pregnant. It’s mine.

There is an amazingly powerful denial that happens each morning in the mirror. A denial not strong enough to ignore three separate instances (actually, four, but that’s another story) of false congratulations. Denial I can’t allow to shield me from this one fact: My belly, it is soft. It is soft and round and nothing like the rest of my body.

Now, the choice is mine to decide: What am I going to do about it?**

What would you?

*If you are following me on twitter and I’m not following you back, it’s because SPAM bots have forced me to ignore most everything and all you gotta do is send a lovely “@mrsflinger I AM FOLLOWING YOU AND I AM REAL” and I’ll be sure to follow back.

** Yes yes, not wearing empire waisted shirts/dresses/anything is my first place to start. :: facepalm ::

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Comments

  1. As I’m sure you know, many a yogi (I’ve seen it!) does not look like a rail or a think beauty, even after practicing 10 years and teaching. I’ve seen some beautiful, curvy women who have mastered their practice. My comment from the Twitter yesterday still stands: I thought you looked great in your yoga pictures, and when I saw you in-person. And I’m not being flattering; I’m being honest.

    That doesn’t solve your question, though. So, my answer is: If you’re unhappy with it, kick your gut’s ass—evict it! xo

    By Sarah on 2010 03 03

  2. smile Thanks, Sarah! I think yoga, for me, IS more about mind/body healing and I’m trying to focus on that. But I do want to do something to help me feel good about the state of my mid-section at the same time.

    I appreciate the Yoga feedback from you! For sure.

    By Mrs. Flinger on 2010 03 03

  3. I have to say, I’m always blown away when I see you—I can say with perfect honesty that I never, ever once noticed your tummy when you came up to visit! You’re gorgeous (and I am totally jealous of your Yoga abilities!)

    That said, for practical tips? You nailed it on the “don’t wear pregnant shirts” bit. And then have you tried just adding a set of ab-work reps to your day? I do three times a week, it takes 4 minutes—10 reps of 10 different styles. You could probably find a good ab video on Youtube, even.

    By Karina on 2010 03 03

  4. See, you don’t look pregnant to me in these photos.  You certainly don’t look like you’re wearing a shirt that says, “I’m Growing a Baby, Ask Me How,” which seems like the appropriate time to ask someone about the contents of their uterus.

    By TexasRed on 2010 03 03

  5. ME, TOO. I am, admittedly, a skinny chick, but HOOBOY do I have Dunlop’s Disease (my spare tire done lopped over and is trying to eat my knees). The only reason nobody has never wondered if I was pregnant is because I’m super self-conscious about buying the right clothes. Anything that can be construed as maternity-ish is OUT. No empire waists, no shirts shaped like a bell, nada. Fitted is good, long and straight is good, button-up is good. Maybe try taking somebody who will be totally honest shopping with you?

    By Burgh Baby on 2010 03 03

  6. Honestly? I think it’s just the shirt. Really, truly, honestly.

    By Leah on 2010 03 03

  7. You don’t look pregnant to me.  Also, MAN I wouldn’t say that to someone unless I literally saw like a heel or a hand VISIBLY TRYING TO ESCAPE her body.

    By Maria on 2010 03 03

  8. Lord help me.

    By Pioneer Woman on 2010 03 03

  9. I’m with Maria on this one.  You don’t look pregnant AT ALL.  And I never, ever, ever mention someone even *maybe* being pregnant until they make some reference to it.  I’ve seen people who are OBVIOUSLY pregnant(who actually weren’t pregnant at all), so I just say nothing. 
    (p.s. you’re NOT one of those people!)

    By Bridget on 2010 03 03

  10. Oh sweetie. I have that bulge too and I am like 100 pounds heavier than you. But here’s the thing. You are gorgeous inside and out.

    By Aimee Greeblemonkey on 2010 03 03

  11. You don’t want to see me in that shirt. That’s pregnant! wink

    By Robert on 2010 03 03

  12. Dude. It’s the SHIRT. FOR REALS.

    Toss that thing.

    The wrap and the slight trapeze. NOT GOOD.

    You look awesome.

    By motherhooduncensored on 2010 03 03

  13. Well if that’s what pregnant looks like, then I’m carrying twins, cause this momma’s (NOT PREGNANT) gut sticks out a lot further than that. When I’m sucking it in. Sigh.

    By Carabee on 2010 03 03

  14. I would happily look like this when not pregnant.

    I am lost for advice because maybe just the pic but you don’t look remotely pregnant to me… I need another view!

    By nutty mummy on 2010 03 03

  15. I agree with Kristin, burn that shirt!

    By Sandi on 2010 03 03

  16. I am just totally stunned by your breasts that I don’t notice anything else.

    (I know. I am useless in this discussion. I have no advice.)

    By patois on 2010 03 03

  17. Definitely the shirt… dump it.

    By Erin on 2010 03 03

  18. I’ve been out of bloggy/twitter land for a while but saw this via PW and you in my feed and HAD to see what was up.  I remember the PW exchange.  And I HAVE to comment.  The shirt blows.  We all, well most of us anyway, have the post-kiddo pooch.  I hate it. But you DO NOT look preggo.  The clothes.  I can’t wear anything that slightly resembles maternity clothes cuz well, it makes me look preggo.  Go shopping. and btw, you do have a nice rack woman, show the twins off and no one will glace at the pooch. wink

    By lunzy on 2010 03 03

  19. It’s the shirt. (And I actually mistyped first “It’s the shit” - so there you go.)

    People look at anything empire/trapeze on women of childbearing age and assume they’re pregnant, even if they’re skinny as a rail.

    By Julie @ The Mom Slant on 2010 03 03

  20. You know what is funny? I have no bra on. I was at home cleaning when I took the pic and realized, “Oh, I haz no bra.”

    You people, I love you and your appreciation for the bewbs.

    By Mrs. Flinger on 2010 03 03