Geeky Talks
At some point you start thinking maybe you are pregnant and don’t know it like one of those tv shows
What’s that expression? Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice, shame on me. Think I’m pregnant three times I might as well jump off something very very high.
Is that right?
If you’re not following me on twitter (which, why not?*) you may have missed the part where my daughter’s teacher congratulated me on being pregnant yesterday. I replied, as I have before, “Oh, no, not pregnant” and she stumbled and said, “Oh, I probably look pregnant, too, uh…” and it was awkward, as it always is, and then I went home and cried, like I always do.
Because she’s not in the wrong to think it simply based on appearance.
Here’s the thing: I recently described my body to the doctor as one of those puzzles where you match the head, torso and legs only my torso completely doesn’t match. It’s all round and flabby while the arms are strong and my legs are lean.
I’m a broken puzzle, y’all.
I work out. I cut back on sugar. I endulge sometimes because I believe in having a life-style, not a diet, but I try to drink lots of water, eat lots of veggies and pick the right thing more times than not.
And yet, these abs, y’all. THESE ABS. They are stretched in ways they hang like last year’s coat in my childrens’ closet.
Blech.
I see it at Yoga. I am strong and powerful. I’ve been told I have a “beautiful practice” and yet I look like no yogi in the room. Instead, I lay over my flabby abs in Pigon and stare at disdain for the stomach that used to hold a shape. I tell myself not to hate it because it grew the children I adore and love and who love me regardless of how I feel about my abs.
My abs stretched and created life and why I hate them for it is simply because of this one fact:
THERE IS NO MORE LIFE IN IT.
Now it is painful ovulation and one big hazard to anyone wanting to wish me well.
Like my friend’s Mother in Law.
Like the Pioneer Woman, Ree.
Like my daughter’s teacher.
I took a picture of my shirt realizing it’ll be the last time I wear it. I can understand why she thought I was pregnant. I don’t hate her for it. I don’t think she was rude. I think she made a mistake, one I’d probably make myself if I wasn’t all too aware of the hurt it caused.
It’s not her fault I look pregnant. It’s mine.
There is an amazingly powerful denial that happens each morning in the mirror. A denial not strong enough to ignore three separate instances (actually, four, but that’s another story) of false congratulations. Denial I can’t allow to shield me from this one fact: My belly, it is soft. It is soft and round and nothing like the rest of my body.
Now, the choice is mine to decide: What am I going to do about it?**
What would you?
*If you are following me on twitter and I’m not following you back, it’s because SPAM bots have forced me to ignore most everything and all you gotta do is send a lovely “@mrsflinger I AM FOLLOWING YOU AND I AM REAL” and I’ll be sure to follow back.
** Yes yes, not wearing empire waisted shirts/dresses/anything is my first place to start. :: facepalm ::
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As I’m sure you know, many a yogi (I’ve seen it!) does not look like a rail or a think beauty, even after practicing 10 years and teaching. I’ve seen some beautiful, curvy women who have mastered their practice. My comment from the Twitter yesterday still stands: I thought you looked great in your yoga pictures, and when I saw you in-person. And I’m not being flattering; I’m being honest.
That doesn’t solve your question, though. So, my answer is: If you’re unhappy with it, kick your gut’s ass—evict it! xo
I appreciate the Yoga feedback from you! For sure.
I have to say, I’m always blown away when I see you—I can say with perfect honesty that I never, ever once noticed your tummy when you came up to visit! You’re gorgeous (and I am totally jealous of your Yoga abilities!)
That said, for practical tips? You nailed it on the “don’t wear pregnant shirts” bit. And then have you tried just adding a set of ab-work reps to your day? I do three times a week, it takes 4 minutes—10 reps of 10 different styles. You could probably find a good ab video on Youtube, even.
See, you don’t look pregnant to me in these photos. You certainly don’t look like you’re wearing a shirt that says, “I’m Growing a Baby, Ask Me How,” which seems like the appropriate time to ask someone about the contents of their uterus.
ME, TOO. I am, admittedly, a skinny chick, but HOOBOY do I have Dunlop’s Disease (my spare tire done lopped over and is trying to eat my knees). The only reason nobody has never wondered if I was pregnant is because I’m super self-conscious about buying the right clothes. Anything that can be construed as maternity-ish is OUT. No empire waists, no shirts shaped like a bell, nada. Fitted is good, long and straight is good, button-up is good. Maybe try taking somebody who will be totally honest shopping with you?
Honestly? I think it’s just the shirt. Really, truly, honestly.
You don’t look pregnant to me. Also, MAN I wouldn’t say that to someone unless I literally saw like a heel or a hand VISIBLY TRYING TO ESCAPE her body.
Lord help me.
I’m with Maria on this one. You don’t look pregnant AT ALL. And I never, ever, ever mention someone even *maybe* being pregnant until they make some reference to it. I’ve seen people who are OBVIOUSLY pregnant(who actually weren’t pregnant at all), so I just say nothing.
(p.s. you’re NOT one of those people!)
Oh sweetie. I have that bulge too and I am like 100 pounds heavier than you. But here’s the thing. You are gorgeous inside and out.
You don’t want to see me in that shirt. That’s pregnant!
Dude. It’s the SHIRT. FOR REALS.
Toss that thing.
The wrap and the slight trapeze. NOT GOOD.
You look awesome.
Well if that’s what pregnant looks like, then I’m carrying twins, cause this momma’s (NOT PREGNANT) gut sticks out a lot further than that. When I’m sucking it in. Sigh.
I would happily look like this when not pregnant.
I am lost for advice because maybe just the pic but you don’t look remotely pregnant to me… I need another view!
I agree with Kristin, burn that shirt!
I am just totally stunned by your breasts that I don’t notice anything else.
(I know. I am useless in this discussion. I have no advice.)
Definitely the shirt… dump it.
I’ve been out of bloggy/twitter land for a while but saw this via PW and you in my feed and HAD to see what was up. I remember the PW exchange. And I HAVE to comment. The shirt blows. We all, well most of us anyway, have the post-kiddo pooch. I hate it. But you DO NOT look preggo. The clothes. I can’t wear anything that slightly resembles maternity clothes cuz well, it makes me look preggo. Go shopping. and btw, you do have a nice rack woman, show the twins off and no one will glace at the pooch.
It’s the shirt. (And I actually mistyped first “It’s the shit” - so there you go.)
People look at anything empire/trapeze on women of childbearing age and assume they’re pregnant, even if they’re skinny as a rail.
You know what is funny? I have no bra on. I was at home cleaning when I took the pic and realized, “Oh, I haz no bra.”
You people, I love you and your appreciation for the bewbs.
Adding to the “It’s the shirt, not you” chorus. You do not look pregnant.
Ugh, that completely sucks.
Why do all the shirts lately look like maternity shirts? Seriously, empire wasted shirts? If you are nothing more than a size 0, you look pregnant.
And you do not look pregnant!
((((((Sympathy)))))
I went home and cried when someone offered me a seat on the subway because she thought I was pregnant.
I’m also going to join in the chorus that is saying “burn the shirt!” (actually donate it to a thrift store because it’s good to not throw useful stuff in the landfill—but that is just me.)
Anyway, I bet in better fitting clothes you would not be getting these comments. And I can’t imagine such comments are doing anything good for you so hit up the store for some everyday pieces that make you look AND feel good.
That shirt is a little bit grabby in a weird sort of way. But still, there is NO EFFING WAY I would look at you and think “pregnant.” I might look at you and think “ill-fitting garment,” but that’s it.
And seriously, what is WRONG with people? The ONLY time it’s appropriate to talk to someone about their pregnancy is after they’ve past the point where their belly-button does that little turkey-is-cooked pop-out thing. And you, my dear, are nowhere near that.
I don’t see it. I really and truly don’t. I’m not even trying to suck up on this one. I don’t see it. Maybe it’s because MY food baby is much further along. I think you look fantastic.
P.S. I also don’t think you look pregnant. My first thought was she really shouldn’t be wearing that shirt. My apologies for playing fashion police.
This is why I never, ever mention someone’s pregnancy unless they mention it first. Even if they’re obviously due any day, because you JUST NEVER KNOW. I’ve been there. In fact, I’ve looked like I’ve been perpetually 6 months pregnant ever since I had my daughter 19 months ago.
Maria, no no, not fashion police, more like, “as a friend, DO NOT WEAR THOSE.”
I appreciate the honesty.
I asked my neighbor’s husband if they were expecting because I didn’t want to make any assumptions but she DOES look prego.
Turns out she’s due next month. 8 month pregnant? That’s about when I’m willing to bring it up with the spouse.
So yes that was my first thought - stop wearing maternity/nursing tops silly! In the photo on the left where you’ve gathered it back you don’t look preggers at all.
You need a whole new wardrobe of tops that are cut differently and are slimming. (solid colors, no flaring of any kind at the waist)
So my answer is go shopping. (It’s pretty much my answer to any life crisis.)
So I really don’t think you look pregnant. But when my mom started getting those kinds of comments she went to the doctor and turns out she had 2 tumors the size of grapefruits in there. Couldn’t hurt to get it checked out.
I agree with the others - it’s the shirt style - you do NOT look pregnant at all. You are a beautiful slender woman wearing the wrong style, dat’s all! I’m going to go follow you on Twitter now.
You totally don’t look pregnant!
I have the opposite problem. I AM pregnant, 22 weeks, but I don’t look it because I carry allll my extra weight between my neck and crotch. I have fantastic love handles, and thusly they balance out the front. I just look fatter than ever.
Love your body, it could be much worse!
Believe me, it’s definitely the shirt!! You don’t look pregnant…you look great!!
i am soft-of-belly too. and the 9 month old sometimes mistakes the belly for a boob.
I **heart** you.
I just grew a muffin top; which ironically makes me REALLY hungry for more.
Go figure (<—cause mine’s being taken over by age and frickin’ gravity).
You’re darling. And it’s been too long since I visited your blog ‘cause it’s changed (but still darlin’. Like you.)
Going now, I’m not pregnant but apparently I sound like I’m deliriously on no sleep or something.
((belly bumpin’ hugs, just for the fun of it))
WTH? I can’t imagine seeing you and congratulating you on your pregnancy. Obviously not. I do agree that you should probably get rid of that shirt. It’s obviously a traitor.
Don’t feel bad! I’m 25, never been pregnant or anywhere close to it, yet I’ve had two crazy instances where people have thought I was pregnant.
The best one was when I was working at Gymboree. I was helping some customers and we talking about babies/pregnancy, etc. Out of nowhere, they asked me when I was due and all these other pregnancy related questions!! I had said nothing about being pregnant or anything!! (Although, I can see by my outfit how she may have though I was.) Rather than embarrass her, I played along and made up a whole “fake” pregnancy story.
The other time happened when I was working at NY&Co;. and there was really bad weather. A customer told me as I was completing her sale that I “had better get my little pregnant self home safe” because there were tornado warnings all over the area. Once again, did I correct her? No. I didn’t have the heart to.
I now do a very careful study of my clothing choices before I leave the house!!
OMG, I will NEVER EVER EVER EVER ask anyone if they are pregnant EVER again unless they bring it up and I know for sure. I made that mistake once and NEVER will I make it again.
I needed a hair trim and went to a local chain, because it’s cheap, the lady that was assigned to me was young and vibrant and she had a belly. She had on jeans and a very flowy, lose top that tied at the back. She was in the middle of trimming my bangs and I asked the dreaded question. She made me repeat the question and then said “Um, I had a baby 18 months ago.”
I felt horrible. I could not stop apologizing. She kept saying it was ok and that she got the question a lot, especially when she wore the top she had on. I’m thinking if I’m getting the question a lot when I wear that top it’s time to throw the top away! Anyways I left her a really BIG tip because I felt so bad.
I still feel bad.
P.S. I would never in a million years even think you were pregnant from the pictures you posted. You are beautiful!
You don’t look pregnant, not even in that shirt…and I’m not sure I’d be so quick to ditch a shirt that my BRALESS BOOBIES looked that good in!! (Holy cow, for REAL? Those are WITHOUT a bra?? Wowza! Who would possibly even NOTICE anything else??)
Hey, it’s not the shirt. It’s not you. You do not look pregnant. I cannot imagine how someone could think that. You look great, and I am so not just saying that. You really do.
1st of all, let me say that I totally LOVE your layout. Those little whatever they ares are cute!
2nd, I don’t think you look bad at all.
3rd, the Pioneer Woman comment cracked me up!
LOL I’m reading this post and see that first pic of you in the berry/red colored shirt and I’m thinking “oh, well, wow, she really does look pregnant”. Then I scroll a little farther. LOL I am such an idiot. Really, it would not even occur to me that you look pregnant, but I tend not to think of such things having never been pregnant myself.
Whoa, you’re not wearing a bra? I just got massive BEWB ENVY. I was cursed with the torpedo bewbage; though, I get to share in that curse with my BFF, so at least I am not alone.
ROCK ON with your perky boobies! :D
1) Luscious bewbs make every woman think either maternity or “damn, even *I* want to motorboat those babies!”
2) Everyone has a trouble spot. Mine’s my behind. Though I am little, i can’t wear boyshorts without looking like I stole the Michelin man’s legs. Your trouble spot does NOT make you look pregnant - some people are just stupid and confused by lighting and fabric, especially since your arms and legs look so fit!
3) You kinda glow. It can give the wrong impression just as easily. That whole vitality/fertility thing.
4) Sometimes, people who are self-conscious about their middles un-consciously place their hand on them as “camoflage” which gives people the sub-conscious cue that she is a protective-mum-to-be.
SO, quit washing your face, touching your abs, and hanging out around stupid people, and find sexy lighting, start wearing tighter clothes and bragging about how after two kids, your bewbs look better braless than many childless women younger than yourself.
And remember, hon, it’s only as big a deal as you make it. If you can gain ground in that area, you go a long way towards eliminating the problem. (Feel free to call shenanigans and label me a dirty, unsolicited advice-giving hypocrite if that last bit sounds to Oprah.)
Dude…there is now way in hell that you look pregnant. I’d totally kill to have your body.
And then you reply: pffttt you haven’t seen me naked.
Then I respond: well that’s not my fault!
love ya beautiful
xoxo
seriously. I wish you could see the look of utter confusion on my face as I look at these pics. If that is what preg looks like, I’ll take it. For phuck’s sake you do not look preg! Is the shirt flattering? I don’t know I’m not good at that shit, but I would guess maybe not but I do. not. think it makes you look like you are expecting. Seriously. Honestly, you are rockin. I can’t believe people say this stuff to you!
Oh My God, if that looks pregnant, then I am removing all of my mirrors and giving in to the Mumu dress. My arms and legs look good too; the belly after kids, not so much.
You look great!
You look great to me! Also, I think that shirt has one of those weird center muff/pocket things, which is never a good thing.
you do NOT look pregnant. for crying out loud - do people have no filter?! the boys have ruined our bellies and we’ll never look the same. but pregnant? no. you look amazing.
Hi - my name is Sarah and I have the EXACT same problem. 3 c-sections (with 2 of them only a year apart) and my belly is a mess. I have NO muscle left in there. It wiggles, it jiggles and is totally embarrassing.
I think lipo/tummy tuck is the only way to go (for me anyway). Saving my pennies.
Joining the chorus, just a really poorly fitting shirt. Long and slim cut are the way to go, wearing bigger clothes only makes a person look just that, bigger.
I don’t have the balls to ask someone when they are due unless the pregnancy has been confirmed by a trusted source, I don’t care how obvious it might be, I don’t want to risk being wrong.
I was chubby before I got pregnant with my kids. So, I was one of those people who NEVER got asked when I was due, because people were concerned that I was not actually pregnant
My policy is to never comment on a pregnancy unless I know about it from another source.
I think you look beautiful!
I think you look fine, but if it bothers you, maybe a plastic or whatever specialist kind of surgeon can tell you if your abdominal muscles need surgically repaired. Evidently it can happen with pregnancy. Something peculiar happens. Otherwise, Pilates would probably restore your core muscles. That machine is vicious.
I need to print this out and keep it with me for when my harsh voice in my heads goes all critical.
I love you people.
Marry me.
Yeah, your bewbs look really nice.
The kangaroo-pouch shirt is a no-no for anyone looking to de-emphasize the belly.
No empire anything, no sack dresses [or have a hand on your waist to show how slender you are]... I was wearing the linen sack dress when I got the fake preg presumption [and I’ve never been preg].
Heh. Belly dancing, baby, belly dancing. Swivel those hips. It really works the abs. ;p & strengthens the lower back.
Cheers, chica.
I feel the same way! My tummy (and I haven’t even had children) is always “rounded” hehe ... i eat and my tummy looks prego ... I eat healthy as well, and although I haven’t had time to work out recently, when I did I still had a tummy. Sigh* just part of life I guess. I try to dress in a way that makes me look thinner, and I think that helps : )
I think that you look beautiful tho - and I think we just need to look at the great parts of our bodies that God gave us, like you said, and appreciate those!
Um, you do NOT look pregnant at all. I have been the receiver of many “Congratulations-on-the-baby” comments when I was most definitely NOT pregnant - even before children I had the little bit pregnant look. People need to learn to not say anything unless you are hooked up to an epidural with your feel in stirrups.
You want to know the funny thing? I saw your tweet about this the other day and I didn’t get a chance to yell back: “if you look pregnant, than I’m the new octomom.” because the light turned green or something.
And then…
last night, your post title became a self-fulfilling prophecy. Not for me, but for my uber-conservative, super-judgy former brother-in-law’s 22 YO unmarried daughter. She apparently went into the hospital complaining of stomach cramps and is now leaving a Houston hospital with a 6.5 lb. daughter and two pissed off grandparents.
And now I say “whoa. Flinger’s clairvoyant” and “karma’s a bitch.”
I have gotten this lots and my baby is 12. No matter how much weight I lose the flab is still there and it kills me. Recently I started using shapewear and it has helped lots, altho I am totally uncomfortable wearing empire waisted things.
What?!? You don’t look pregnant!
It’s definitely the shirt!! No doubt!
Nancy, OMG. You are kidding me?!!?!
I could have written the same post. Well, minus the Pioneer Woman part. But yeah, I am there right now, too.
I actually bought four dresses this weekend only to get them home and try them on and realize they all looked like maternity dresses. They have all been returned.
But did they look like maternity dresses? Or did I look pregnant in them?
As the mother of 3, I have my own battle of the bulge going on.
However, my bulge seems to be more of the double bulge as I have an upper and lower tummy problem. If I could just get rid of the upper, I’d be happy.
I’ve been diggin’ the new “blousy” tops they’ve been making lately. Great “hider of the fat”. If only I could find a great hider of the chin…
DUDE you do not look pregnant. And shame on that lady for assuming you did. At first I thought you looked like the FIRST picture. Then I was gonna say, WHOA? THAT LADY ISN’T PREGNANT??? Then I saw your second/third pictures and I was like WHEW now I don’t feel confused. Only I feel worse because HELLO? MY POOCH IS WORSE. SO if we ever meet please don’t assume I am growing life. Because, by the will of God, I have been there, done that, gotten the t-shirt, and closed that shop down.
I know, weirdest first post from a commenter ever, right?
I have this same body type, only my belly is much bigger. For what it’s worth, I didn’t think you looked pregnant at all in the second set of pics.
Definitely the shirt. You look awesome.
I have a dress that makes me look 6 months’ pregnant. Let’s just say I don’t wear it all too often.
Not. Even. Close. to looking preggers.
And yeah, as many other commenters have commented, my own flab is much more flagrant.
I’ve been mostly thin all my life. I exercise almost daily. And I eat healthily most of the time. Except during Girl Scout Cookie season. (now)
I’m chalking my gut up to genetics. I blame a lot of other stuff on my parents. Why not this, too?
You look fab. Not flab.
Good heavens you do not look pregnant.
Also: I just bought Jillian Michael’s book “Making the Cut” and am going to start it on Monday. Lord help me and my muscles. It’s a 30-day thing. I might have a stomach again myself when it’s all done.
So, let’s just address a couple things:
1) You do not look pregnant. I do like what one commenter said, that you glow with life in a way most people don’t unless they are pregnant.
2) Don’t blame the shirt, blame the speaker. Yes, it’s a style that pregnant women sometimes wear, but that’s no excuse—she’s responsible for what comes out of her mouth.
3) I sat beside a very pregnant friend friend of your at EECI for at least 25 minutes before she said the magic words (“expecting”) and I could safely start asking her about her pregnancy. You *DO NOT* ask someone if they are pregnant if you don’t know them well enough to pick ticks off them.
4) Someone came over to a party at my house and asked me when my cat was going to give birth. SHE’S BIG BONED! SHE’S NOT PREGNANT! Harumph.
5) These things happen—I’ve been called Ma’am more than once—and you can make them work for you. Let this be another direction sign towards exercising more and living a healthier lifestyle, something I know you’ve already started.
6) Pilates.