Having a daughter was wonderful. She was soft and tiny and petite. She naturally gravitated to dolls and princesses and PINK PINK PINK. She wasn’t a real climber. She was social from the beginning. We never encouraged the stereo-type girl behavior, she just.. was a girl. It was familiar to me. I saw myself in her. She was.. a girl.
Having a son changed my life.
A son is nothing like how a mom remembers her own childhood. Childhood is TALL and LOUD and SMASH SMASH SMASH. The living room is for climbing and the candles are for stacking and the pans are for banging. KAPLOW CHOMP CHOMP CHOMP KABLOOM. There are BALLS! BALLS! FOOT BALLS! And Basketball! And running! And tickling! Laughter is easy, there is no other place to be, the NOW is important.
Boys are so here and now. They are simple in that what is in front of them is what they are thinking about. Issues are strictly at hand, not three days ago. Play is loud and physical. It’s GROWL and BANG and SHOOT. Girls are sassy, easily carried to tears, and dramatic. Shoe laces can create a tantrum where a boy wouldn’t give a fuck about shoelaces, where is my TRUCK TRUCK TRUCK.
My children are so, totally, a girl and a boy. I have a girl. And I have a boy.
I love them both in very different ways. I love them equally. I love them with my whole self. I would die for them.
But they are different people. Very. Different. People. And I love them for who they are. Different.
My friends and I often joke about having sons. “No woman will ever be good enough for you” we tell our sons. “You will marry someone just like yer mama” we joke. We watch them wrestle, we roll our eyes, and then we snuggle them softly at night because one day it will be so very taboo to feel their breath on our neck and feel their soft hair brush our shoulder.
I love my son’s soft hair and his quiet breathing and how nobody, absolutely nobody, is as good as mama. Nobody.
I understand now how my Mother In Law must have felt watching her sons grow. How she would always tell me about what wonderful children they were. At first it irritated me, thinking, “Comon, he wasn’t PERFECT.” But now I understand:
No. Not perfect.
14 guests here now.
I feel you sister. After I had Doodle (now 22 months) I whispered in his ear, “Honey I love you so much. Every woman you know will pale in comparison to me.” MWHAHAHAHAHA!
By Fear and Parenting in Las Vegas on 2009 01 27
You NAILED it, sistah! May our future DILs be warned!
By rimarama on 2009 01 27
I’m sorry, but he is entirely too adorable. He is definitely preciously snuggleable (hush, it’s a word now!), and I can understand why he’s your Perfect!
By Jen on 2009 01 27
funny, though, i had three boys before i had my daughter ... so my “culture shock” was reversed from yours. doesn’t make it any less true, though
By the planet of janet on 2009 01 27
I have two boys and they are all boy, but they are also very much different beings. My older sons has tendencies toward drama and the younger one is totally happy all the time unless he is raging with anger. There’s no in between really. It’s awesome though. I am equally enthralled and exhausted by my boys all the time.
By fruitlady on 2009 01 27
I always thought that I wanted the pink…and the frills, but then I had a boy and my heart changed. I cannot imagine anything else. The joy, and the tantrums, the sheer unbridled fearlessness is amazing. He is just that amazement of everything in the world that I had forgotten or lost or stuck away in a drawer somewhere…I am so glad that he came here with his dirt and sticks and rocks and reminded me of it all and its glory.
By Mrs. Tantrum on 2009 01 27
I love being the mom of boys. I honestly wouldn’t know what to do if I had a little girl!!
By pgoodness on 2009 01 27
I’ve got 3 girls and I was just saying the same thing about my only boy. He turned 10, last week. You said it. Only, better.
By Liz@thisfullhouse on 2009 01 27
Oh wow. You hit the nail on the head with this one.
By Janna on 2009 01 27
I’m going to be the worst MIL in the world, because, YES, my boy is perfect and no girl will be good enough for him, EVER.
Can’t believe I just said that.
By Her Bad Mother on 2009 01 27
Wow. How I loved this post. Because I now have a son and a daughter and I understand and live EXACTLY what you are saying. What a fantastic, wonderful post!
By Colleen on 2009 01 27
It is a relationship unlike any other, isn’t it! I am amazed by it more every day. And still surprised by the loudness and the fact that EVERYTHING must be thrown or crashed or smashed. Thankfully the new baby is a girl (or so they claimed at the last ultrasound), so I’ll get to experience the other type of parenting as well. And I’m grateful to get to do both.
By Carrie on 2009 01 27
Awwww. So sweet!
By syd on 2009 01 27
These photos are perfect.
The way you write about your children makes me wish it wasn’t too late for me to have children.
By MariaV on 2009 01 28
i never wanted to have boys. i always wanted girls. i know girls. i am a girl.
but my son? AMAZING. truly, truly amazing. it actually shocks me how amazing.
By ali on 2009 01 28
Having 2 boys (and one girl) you know I can relate. Boys are perfect…despite their loudness.
By Carrie@Stop Screaming I'm Driving on 2009 01 28
My mother-in-law calls it Perfectly Imperfect =)
By Sarah S/C on 2009 01 28
I totally agree—it’s a simpler love. No more pure than the love I have for my daughter, but more perfect somehow.
By Scary Mommy on 2009 01 28
Both of mine are boys! I am feeling the BOYness, I tell ya!
By Stacy (mama-om) on 2009 01 28
I totally love the new blog- I know I’ve said that before.
My daughter behaves exactly how your son does. She is loud, growling, and full of the here and now. And Boys are louder than this? Oh my, maybe I will stop with one. LOL
By Kristina Brooke on 2009 01 29