Nothing Beyond

24/Feb/2010

The room is hot today. Hotter than usual. I ponder this as my heart races.

Perhaps it is not the room, but my head.

Thoughts pound within the sides of my skull. Anger, frustration, uncertainty. I hear the sound of the room breathing, Pranayama. In. Out. In. Out.

We begin our salutations. I stretch. I try to release. My tummy folds on itself and I judge it. I feel myself tense and I release again. I remind myself it birthed two children that I love dearly and not to hate it for its work.

I breath in again. And out.

We fold in to downward dog. Breathing. The voice from the teacher reminds us to be center. “Nothing Beyond” she says. Nothing Beyond I remind myself. Centered. On this mat. In this room. In this heat. Right now.

Nothing Beyond.

I find myself rattling off a todo list and wondering if I’ve heard back from so-and-so. I catch myself.

Nothing Beyond.

I envision a mountain. I try, as two of my favorite authors both stated in their path to meditation, to let my thoughts be as clouds to me, the mountain. I try to acknowledge my thoughts but not dwell upon them.

I do another pushup, another stretch, another Vinyasa.

In our final Savasana I feel myself pulled by gravity. I am grounded. I am stable. I am strong and empowered.

I am a little more able to work. To focus. To be.

It is the “being” that I am most working on.

Being nothing beyond.

This is the goal.

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Comments

  1. These words felt strong and grounded.  I liked this.

    By Maria on 2010 02 24

  2. living in the now is the hardest thing i’ve ever done.  and entirely worth it.

    By michaela on 2010 02 25

  3. Definitely difficult.  So good for you, though!

    By TexasRed on 2010 02 26

  4. Ooh. Yes. the Be Here Now. wink

    By Al_Pal on 2010 03 05