Now as a series: Mother Effer #2

Nov 12, 2007

#Life#Mother F.U.C.K.E.R.

As long as people keep getting stupid, there will be a Mother F.U.C.K.E.R movement. So people? Here’s installment #2:

Apparently, get this, You aren’t supposed to eat your iphone. Right. Wanna hear that again?

Don’t. Eat. Your. iPhone.


“SURGEON GENERAL’S WARNING: Ingesting or inhaling your iPhone or iPod earbuds may be hazardous to your health.”

Ok, I get that people are in to burning things or sniffing things or whatever. But since when is eating your iPhone worthy of CNN reporting? Isn’t there, like, a war going on? Global warming to report about? Socialized medicine? Anything? Beuhler? No? Eating your iPhone it is, then.

Good choice, CNN Chief Medical Correspondent Dr. Sanjay Gupta. Here, this is for you:

Take this and stick it to your forehead and repeat to yourself several times a day “Mother for using common knowledge everywhere. Mother for using common knowledge everywhere…”

In the mean time, I’ll keep reminding my five month old not to put his iPhone in his mouth. The rest of the family, though, is pretty much up to speed on this. Apparently your viewers are at the level of a five month old. God bless this country if this is the future of our nation. We need it.


  1. Sweet mercy. I say let adults chew on the iPhone, let it short out, let Darwin be right this time.

    By Dawn S. on 2007 11 12

  2. Aren’t iphones like really, really expensive?  Why in the world would someone have to be warned not to ingest their highly priced electronic device?  Now if you’ll excuse me I’m going to go take a little nibble out of my wii.

    By Jen on 2007 11 12

  3. Oh man. I thought you were going to say you acquired a holy iPhone and then your kid ATE it or SLOBBERED on it or something equally dreadful. But no. This is even more brain-imploding than the Bumbo recall.

    By maggie on 2007 11 12

  4. excuse ms, i’ve got to go binge.  i knew i should have read those warnings.

    oh, and did you know you aren’t supposed to use the exersaucer as a sled?  i know it seems like a great idea, but they say not to…

    By transplantingme on 2007 11 12

  5. But they looked so yummy. Just one?

    By witchypoo on 2007 11 12

  6. You can’t eat your phone? Not even if it is a Chocolate phone?

    By hilary on 2007 11 13

  7. NO!?  What the ......!!!!! There, you almost made me say it!

    By themommykelly on 2007 11 13

  8. are you frogging me?  gupta used to work here at big medicine…maybe this is the reason he left.

    By zoe on 2007 11 13

  9. This is the reason Bill Engvall has got rich with his “Here’s your sign” routine!

    By justmylife on 2007 11 13

  10. Thanks for the warning..I wasn’t sure…

    GAh. Stupid.

    By ~JJ! on 2007 11 13

  11. You know, just the other day I had to hide my phone from myself because the craving to eat my phone was just so intense that I was afraid I would give in!  The grey plastic beckoned to me like warm, gooey chocolate; the keys kept calling my name, begging me for just a little taste; and the screen, oh, the delicious screen just kept flashing, “EAT ME! YOU KNOW YOU WANT TO! CALORIE FREE, YOU KNOW!”

    Um.  Yeah.  Or not.

    By Andrea on 2007 11 13

  12. That is newsworthy, for sure!  WOW.

    By Holly on 2007 11 14

  13. although you guys are all clearly geniuses, maybe the warning was for kids. do you have any idea how many chemicals there are in the headphones?

    By John on 2007 11 26