Oprah and Bon-Bons (or, why I suck at being a WAHM)

Oprah and Bon-Bons (or, why I suck at being a WAHM)

24/Feb/2007

#Life#Social Clutz Loveable Spaz

Anyone else feel like you’re treading under water? Grey’s Anatomy aside here, we’re all drowning in snot and a megga slow server. I swear I’ve tried to update only to get a “page loading” message for, oh, more than the .2 nanoseconds that I have patience to wait so I close my browser and decide my site hates me. No, it’s not you, it’s me. It’s the snot. It’s the fever. It’s the holy-hell-sinus-pressure-that-I-can-only-take-farking-saline-spray-for (!?) and the other things the Internet was telling me you don’t need to hear about.

Being sick is boring as hell, y’all.

Whilst laying around for days (as in five) trying to get the She Child to just not kick mommy in the belly and let me sleep while she plays with knives and electrical outlets (at the same time), it never occurred to me to turn on Oprah. Y’all, I’m home almost every day at 4pm, the heralded Oprah hour around the country, and to this day I’ve seen Oprah about 6 times ever. That includes a few times that I tuned in on accident when trying to flip to a Sesame Street on TiVo.

I don’t dislike her. Except that I do. I didn’t realize I felt anything for Oprah until Thursday night when I watched the stars interviewing each other about the Oscars. Julia Roberts? So my kind of gal. George Clooney? Hot. Ovbiously. Hot and hilarious and I don’t mind telling you that shortly thereafter I went upstairs and begged my husband to put out, what in my sexy snot-o-mania voice and all. But the Operah portion of the Oprah show is a tad bit.. much.. for me. For some unknown reason, she gets under my skin and crawls around like a dung beetle wearing too much mascara. Runny mascara, maybe. Maybe she’s born with it? Maybe it’s too much plastic surgery.

Mr. Flinger asked me if I ever watched Oprah during the day. I laughed, said “all the time, beyotch! While eating bon-bons and stuffing my bra, duh.” Then I wondered why I don’t. Why don’t I like Oprah? What has she ever done to me? I like that she’s out there doing good in the world and spreading the luff. All good for her and those who watch. And if you watch, I am not judging you in the least. Instead, I’m wondering what the hell is wrong with me that I can’t seem to get behind someone with so much influence, for the better even, on working and stay at home people everywhere.

Maybe my heart is stone. Or maybe my kid is too busy to watch an hour talk show in the middle of the day. Or maybe Jamie is right, women are more in to blogging than watching TV. Either way, I think I’d prefer reading Sweatpants Mom‘s version of Oscar Night. And as far as Bon Bons and Day Time TV, well, I’ll have to get back to you on that one. As soon as I figure out what a Bon Bon is.

Comments

  1. While it is small comfort… I found that Johnson’s soothing vapor bath was helpful during pregnacy when I couldn’t take anything.  However, I leaned from painful experience that it should be dilluted in your bath water- deciding to just put it on the shower pouf one morning when you’re out of your body wash is a bad idea.

    By Becky on 2007 02 24

  2. While it is small comfort… I found that Johnson’s soothing vapor bath was helpful during pregnacy when I couldn’t take anything.  However, I leaned from painful experience that it should be dilluted in your bath water- deciding to just put it on the shower pouf one morning when you’re out of your body wash is a bad idea.

    Oh, also that ginger tea that was supposed to be a god send for morning sickness but wasn’t quite up to the job (going from my experience) is great for helping clear your sinuses a bit if you make it strong.

    By Becky on 2007 02 24

  3. Sudafed shower soother thingys are supposed to be great.

    A visit from George Clooney might help.

    Don’t you love how the older kid starts beating the hell out of the younger kid IN UTERO? Nice! Mine did the same, if it’s any consolation. Kid #2 is now wicked smart and holds his own just fine with evil big sister.

    By Wacky Mommy on 2007 02 24

  4. I’m not an Oprah fan, either.  She does alot, has great people on her show and all that, but I don’t go out of my way to watch her.  And only have watched a few shows myself, but that was just because of the subject matter, not her!

    By Holly on 2007 02 24

  5. Personally, I just loathe the entire month of February. SO READY FOR SPRING! And we (knock on wood) have not even been sick since the holidays.

    I was a WAHM for 11 months with Amelia and although I loved it , it was sooo hard if I was on deadline. I had visions of sitting at a cafe, sipping lattes and working on my laptop while she slept but in reality I ended up working during nap time and late at night and not showering or shaving my legs and wearing gross clothes all day long. I am just amazed that women actually have time to watch Oprah!

    By Jamie on 2007 02 24

  6. Although I never watch, I actually consider myself somewhat of a fan of Oprah.  That said, her snippets on that interview show?  Were grating.  And fake.  And over-the-top.  But that could just be my opinion.  Or it could be the flu talking.

    By Seuss on 2007 02 24

  7. Finally!  Another non-Oprah fan. 

    I too, have never really watched her, I don’t know why, although I think it has something to do with her weight loss…. subconciously maybe I’m jealous. wink

    By Angi on 2007 02 25

  8. Two words: Neti.Pot.

    smile

    By laura on 2007 02 25

  9. I don’t know what it is about her, but she irritates the hell out of me too.  I’ve never been an Oprah watcher and I never will.

    By Friglet on 2007 02 25

  10. Non-Oprah fans unite! And now I have to add Neti Pot to bon-bons in my google search.

    By Mrs. Flinger on 2007 02 25

  11. I can’t stand Oprah.  I realize she’s out there doing good and yada, yada, yada but she just irks me.  She seems full of herself or something.  As for bon bons?  All I know is that when I was little we always had them in our freezer and they were DELICIOUS.

    By Whitney on 2007 02 25

  12. I’m glad it’s not just me.  I can’t stand Oprah. 

    Bon-bons on the other hand I’d be willing to try.  Of course, I’m not picky.  I’m still bloated from all the gas station candy.

    By Jenny on 2007 02 25

  13. I don’t like Oprah either.  Mainly because spending my day at home with 2 kids under the age of 2 is mind numbing enough.  Watching Orprah makes me feel like my brain is turning to mush and dripping slowly out my ear.  wink

    Anne

    By Anne on 2007 02 25

  14. Funny, I posted on the topic of daytime talk shows not long ago (I catch snippets at the gym sometimes). I was an Oprah fan, once upon a time. But now that she’s gotten bigger than life, it seems like she’s out of touch with the average folk.  She comes off as elitist to me now…

    Now Ellen… she’s GOOD! And also on at 4:00 here I don’t usually get to watch, but it’s a treat when I do!!

    By Marie on 2007 02 26

  15. I go back and forth with Oprah.  One day I think she’s a real laid-back, funny kind of chick.  The next day she’s all stuck on herself, tooting her own horn.  And her show’s the same way.  Some days…entertaining.  Some days…booring!

    By Emily on 2007 02 26

  16. I have a love hate thing with Oprah too. First she does some great stuff like open schools and expose people to great books like The Good Earth. Then her show does waaaay too much celebrity butt kissing (George Clooney does NOT count) i.e. too many celebs trying to sell their movie, book, or whatever. Then there’s the whole, buy stuff you’ll feel better mass consumption thing.

    Yet, if you’ve made it on Oprah, you have arrived. Her power in media is amazing.

    By Anne-Marie on 2007 02 27