Order in the Courts

24/Aug/2007

There is a very specific way in which the events of the morning must take place. First, Baby O must be fed and rocked at 5:30 AM. This is to ensure that the rest of the family gets out of the house before 4:00 pm. Then I must workout at 6:15AM because working out is the same as five doses of anti-depressants and 6 bottles of booze. Together. Well, not quite, but you know what I mean. Then there needs to be swaddle/nap for the baby, a shower for the mommy and, if time allows, coffee. Blessed coffee. Foldgers hit the nail on the very-handsome-in-the-morning-man’s head.

Then there is massive amounts of praying. “Please Please Please don’t wake up. Please don’t wake up.”

Thud

“Please Please Please play quietly. Please play quietly.”

BANG BANG BANG BANG

“Please Please Please don’t start screaming. Please don’t start screaming.”

MOMMMMYYY!!!!!! MOOMMMMMYYYY!!!!!

At this point there is precisely .82 second before the screaming wakes up the baby.

And on a really GOOD day? She will not have peed through her pull up. And her room won’t smell like the tent village under the Burnside Bridge.

So far so good today. I’ll come back with the details of the nuclear pre-naptime meltdown.

Hi

7 guests here now.

Comments

  1. Ah, yes. I do massive amounts of praying too. But the workout, I’ve got to work on that part!

    By Damselfly on 2007 08 24

  2. Ours must start with a bowl of Frosted Cheerios, strawberry milk, and the Fisher Price barn, bus, and Bob the Builder Legos all lined up on the couch. Oh, and Playhouse Disney on TV. If he doesn’t see all 6 of those things the moment he walks into the living room, the whole day goes to $hit.

    By Kate on 2007 08 24

  3. And I’ve been feeling guilty about my son being an only child…  I need to read this DAILY!  Oh. My. Gosh.

    ps—has the package arrived yet?

    By Marie on 2007 08 24

  4. WOW, that sounds like lots of fun! I’m jealous.
    (not) :~)

    By Renee on 2007 08 24

  5. Oh I know all about the intricacies of a well planned out day.  If one things is amiss…you’re sca-rewed for the rest.  of.  the.  day.

    The diaper blowouts, screaming fits over not wanting a diaper change, the fact that Blue’s Clues is a Steve instead of Joe episode can cause me to have ugly, un blow-dried hair and no make-up.

    Damn siblings.

    Hope your day continues to go as planned.

    By Jennifer on 2007 08 24

  6. Oh, my word. Are you telling me it’s the same in households all across the country? The mornings. I tell ya, they’ll by my undoing.

    By rimarama on 2007 08 24

  7. I feel for you, I do, but you make me feel so guilty when I laugh so hard at your posts! 

    “...And her room won’t smell like the tent village under the Burnside Bridge.”  TOo funny!

    By Holly on 2007 08 24

  8. Nap meltdowns…if only I could transform them into some sort of sandwich melt.  Like a tuna melt. With roasted peppers.
    Then maybe they wouldn’t piss me off so much.

    By Mrs. Mustard on 2007 08 24

  9. I can hear your “Please…please…please don’t wake up” because I do the same thing. But it’s while my teen is sleeping in!

    By Daisy on 2007 08 25

  10. Ok…so my sister and I think alike. I laughed too about “...And her room won’t smell like the tent village under the Burnside Bridge.” TOo funny!  I guess too because I have smelt the same scent in my son’s bathroom. I can’t get it to leave without burning candles (yikes. almost wrote “burning the place down.” ) Out of reach of course…I am too scared to try a can of air freshner—you should have seen what he did with my can of PAM cooking spray…

    By hilary on 2007 08 25