Probably the first post wherein I DO NOT pee on a stick. BEHOLD, INTERNET. (All caps!)

13/Oct/2008

Hi Internet. It’s been too long. Too long since I came here with a pee stick clutched in my fist shaking my head in disbelief. Too long since I peed on my secret stash of tests. Too long since I groped by boobs and came here saying, “Dude, they are like MELONS.”

It’s an obsession I happily traded for red wine and compulsive furniture re-arrangement. I happily fled the “Am I? Aren’t I?” with the one joyous side effect of BORN AGAIN VIRGIN 2008.

I mean, hey, it saves money, right?

So, in a quest to get my libido back again (nothing says “down boy” like a raging overy and a screaming toddler) I decided to take up Someone’s Advice and try out Yaz. I mean it couldn’t be all that bad, right? Birth Control? THE PILL? Joslyn swore it did wonders for her face (no more blemishes!) and she lost weight on it. She pretty much had me at “you won’t get pregnant taking this tiny pill once a day.” The other stuff was all a bonus.

I started The Pill about a week ago. Then The Flu hit our house. And I’ve been nauseated. So nauseated. Or am I sick? Or am I pregnant? HAHA. Just kidding about that last one. Hold-over from obsessions of yore. (I’ll confess, if we’d actually DONE “IT” any time this month, I’d been groping my own self in public and analyzing my nipples. “Dark? Light? Prego? Not prego?” so don’t let me get all “I don’t even own a pregnancy test anymore haha suckah!” on you. It’s a farce.)

So I look up birth control side effects and somewhere between the “YE MAY DIE OF HEART COMPLICATIONS” and “TWO HEADED MONSTERS WILL COME OUT YOUR VAJAYJAY IF YOU USE THIS IS A FORM OF ABORTION” it reads, “Also may cause Nausea for the first few cycles.”

Which, hai, is pretty much what I was hoping to avoid, what the first 18 weeks of puking and all from two pregnancies.

Oh, also, the cost of college and formula. Not in that order.

So, this is all one long winded way of asking you: Do you take THE PILL, have you taken THE PILL and did it make you want to hurl THE WINE on your green puke-colored (which you only are just now noticing is SO totally puke colored) couch?

Because this lady looks pretty happy on Yaz.

image

Of course, she probably doesn’t even take it. False advertising. There’s no way my hair will look like that after yaz.

Bitch.

Hi

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Comments

  1. Oh yarg.

    Yeah, hormonal birth control is like rolling the dice, you know?

    Honestly, I’m wincing in sympathy here.  Because I know that feeling all too well - wrong hormonal levels == nausea that reads too much like morning sickness.

    My tubes were charred when my daughter was 3 months old - but if I had it to do today, I’d be going the Essure route.

    That said, call that doc. If you’re getting bad nausea, Yaz might not be your secret girly protector method of choice!

    And my hair has NEVER looked like that - no matter what form of birth control! smile

    By GeekMommy on 2008 10 13

  2. I had a very hard time with hormonal birth control.  Either I was psychotic from the horomones, puking or both, with a migraine to add to the fun.  After my second was born I opted for the Paraguard IUD and it is perfect.  I never have to think about it, non hormonal and last for years.

    By followthatdog on 2008 10 13

  3. Get thine ass a Mirena IUD.  No hormones that travel into bloodstream. And?  NO BABIES, nausea or bull shit!  Best money I’ve ever spent.

    I’ve also done Tri-Phasil, which is the best one I’ve ever been on and various others that I hated.  However, the older you are the worse they are on your system.

    Don’t do DeproProvera or the shot.  You will regret it and so will the size of your ass.

    I can not speak highly enough of the IUD.  The first few months you will have breakthrough bleeding, but no pain, and eventually?  The periods come and go in a day!  It’s glorious!

    By HolySchmidt! (Melanie) on 2008 10 13

  4. One more thing.  The reason the Mirena is better than the Paraguard is that it’s hormones reach far enough to help prevent ovarian cysts, and it just feels more comfortable than the other. 

    My husband agrees!  haha

    By HolySchmidt! (Melanie) on 2008 10 13

  5. 19 or so years ago I did the pill.  I puked all the time. Doc changed me to the “mini pill”.  I puked all the time.  Doc said If I was very careful and used a diaphragm with spermicide and a condom every time, I would be able to prevent getting pregnant until we could afford it.  My son is now 18 years old.  Good luck, Sugar.

    By TX Poppet on 2008 10 13

  6. IUD! IUD!

    Singing the praises of spontaneous sex without pregnancy for 7 years and counting! No having to pick up a scrip, no forgetting to take a pill, no shots, no kooky ampules under your skin. And no condoms. F-ing sweet.

    By Ericw (crummy cupcake) on 2008 10 13

  7. I’m not on anything anymore.  We had the urologist take a hole punch to my husband’s scrot to get me off the depo shot (which I loved, but my insurance at the time didn’t cover it, and it was cheaper for him to get the vasectomy).

    I loved the depo shot because I didn’t have a period anymore…but when I finally came off of it, it was HELL!  I bled for a month straight when I finally had my first period after the shot (been on the shot for about 4 years).

    By Danalyn on 2008 10 13

  8. I am on the mini pill right now, b/c I’m still nursing, and I can say it definitely makes me nauseous.  I have been on all sorts of brands of the pill, ever since I started having 2 periods a month in my late teen years (ick!) and some brands make me feel much better than others.  I’m very curious about the IUD, I hear it’s the most popular among OB/GYNs, which makes me think it must be a good thing, right?  They being the most informed about this kind of crap?  Anyway, if you like the idea of the pill, I would suggest having your dr switch brands, (each formula is different so they all will affect you a bit differently) or try the IUD, I think I will be trying it soon!

    By Steph on 2008 10 14

  9. It’s been so long since I took the pill that I don’t remember.

    I made Honey get the snip snip. No nausea OR pregnancies wink

    By Angella on 2008 10 14

  10. You know me, the crunchy hippie chick opposed to synthetic junk in my body. So….I recommend the LadyComp!!!

    Red light! Green light! It’s all you have to know.

    By laura on 2008 10 14

  11. I’ve tried tried pretty much every pill, including Yaz. I’m on Yasmin right now, because it’s makes me the least crazy, my periods are the most normal, and I haven’t gained weight on it. It’s still not great though, I’ve definitely been thinking about getting the Mirena instead.

    By catnip on 2008 10 14

  12. so…..the pill…no no no…it kills sexual libido…i was on the pill for 15 years…from..about age 18 till…age 34…i thought i had no side effects….yet when my husband went in for a vascectomy….i had a huge increase in my libido…also when i was pregnant huge increase in libido….which at the time i figured it was due to pregnancy….but now i realize the pill kills libido….after child #3 i did do the depo shot…which led to no weight loss at all for ten months after baby was born…even though i was nursing…i ballooned up..the month i quit the depo pill…ten pounds magically dissappeared from my body….

    so i say no to the pill…..don’t mess with your hormones….

    for me….condoms…work wonders…

    cheers to you~good luck..and enjoyed reading you

    dulcy~

    By dulcy on 2008 10 14

  13. The V baby.  Make an appt and send MR. F on his way!  TRUST ME (and my husband would tell you the same), it isn’t a big deal.  I watched the whole thing.  AND, if you are trying to get your libido back, part of the homework after the V is making sure it “worked”.  So numbers like 16 times in 6 weeks were flying around in my head until we completed what was required of us (use condoms during that time of course, in case it didn’t take).  Then once you’re clear, you are on your way to freedom.  Also, you get a free pocket knife and what’s better than that?!?  http://www.DrSnip.com  wink

    By Michelle on 2008 10 14

  14. OH, I was going to say also, I have been off of all BC since the V and I was regular for a while, but now I am back to being all out of whack- even without any hormones.  So who the F knows.  I was thinking about getting on Yaz, but maybe not now after what you are saying.  I need something though, 2 periods a month is unacceptable!  It is so hard to figure out what is best for you body.  My doctor wanted me off all hormones by the time I was 35 since I don’t have a breast/ovarian cancer risk in my family, but now I am wondering if that was the best choice.  So confusing.  I see her in Jan and I will ask the eternal question of what I should do to regulate myself and not wreak havoc on my poor system.  So I am with you…hang in there, we’ll figure it out….eventually.  GO V!

    By Michelle on 2008 10 14

  15. I wouldn’t live without my IUD. I had spotting for the first 2 weeks after it was put in and then everything is hunky dory after that. Spontaneous sex and little to no mood swings. LOVE!

    It’s seriously THE BEST!

    By sam {temptingmama} on 2008 10 14

  16. Yaz (and Yasmin) killed my sex drive.  Unfortunately for all involved, I didn’t realize it until I went off it after a year or two.

    By St on 2008 10 14

  17. ok…so i’m probably not the person to answer since i recommended it in the first place, so i’m a wee bit biased…but i did have nausea for the first few weeks and then it totally went away…also had spotting for the first month…but again by month two was golden.

    but it’s not for everyone…i’d give it 3 weeks and if you’re feeling like shit i’d go for plan b…vasectomy wink

    By joslyn on 2008 10 14

  18. I was on hormonal birth control for about two years and all I have to say is NEVER AGAIN. It made me teh crazee.

    By annika on 2008 10 14

  19. I don’t understand what Nina Garcia has to do with Yaz.

    By Candy on 2008 10 14

  20. I’ve been using the pill for 6 years now. I have had some up and down weight gain, but it is minimal. It helps with acne (not that I had anything severe) and I’ve never been nauseated.
    I do not take Yaz though.
    A friend of mine had a massive issue while taking that pill, she suffered with depression and self deprecating thoughts etc., and she was almost unfailingly and annoyingly optimistic. Once she went off, she was fine. Just sayin’.

    By DoubleAgentGirl on 2008 10 14