The BoyChild will not let me set him down. What-so-ever. At all. Nada. Zilch. No-go. W.T.F. This means I have about thirty-two minutes at the end of the day when Mr. Flinger gets here to do bills, clean, make dinner, eat dinner, pee, shower, and workout. Oh! And type! And write thank you cards! And give myself a pedicure because OY. Did I mention Oy? OY.
This too shall pass. I know I know. And if I was really obnoxious and deeply troubling I might say something totally gross like, “I just enjoy this time because one day he’ll be fighting me off and I’ll miss the days of carrying him around in the sling every goddamn minute of the day.”
In other news, I took a pregnancy test. YES! That’s right! Internet, I made it an entire ELEVEN WEEKS before peeing on another pregnancy stick. It’s an addiction. Did I tell you I had this almost uncontrollable urge to pee on one during the third trimester? You know, AS THE BABY IS MOVING? There really should be a support group.
It was negative. Duh.
Doesn’t explain the hormones and boobs.
Or other things.
Tonight after a bath and a story (O loves Harry Potter but we’re only on page 132 so don’t tell us who wins) I laid him down and did a rain dance to the gods of “my child has some insane sensor on him that detects a surface other than mom” and it worked. He was asleep. Or is. Or, wait…
We didn’t turn on the monitor.
Ignorance is bliss.
You crack me up. I am SO glad I’m not the only one addicted to pregnancy tests. Did you know there’s a site where you can get cheap pregnancy tests? A friend told me about it. But NOW of course I’m spacing on the URL… I will remember… and I will come back to tell you!!
By Absolutely Bananas on 2007 08 06
You know, back in the day there was no such thing as monitors.
Why do you think our parents all say we slept through the night at 6 weeks old? We didn’t, they just didn’t know we were screaming our heads off.
By Friglet on 2007 08 06
First Timer. It sounds like you take a lot of pregnancy tests….which must mean that you are at least getting a decent amount of action. So cheers to that.
By Mitch McDad on 2007 08 07
Have I told you lately that you are a nutter? Peeing on a pregnancy stick while pregnant? derrrr….... if you lug his nibs around in the sling forever, you only have yourself to blame ..... let him cry for once and go pee without him strapped to ya chest you twit! He won’t come to any harm eh? Meant in the NICEST WAY of course!
By Chris H on 2007 08 07
And you poor thing. I’m tired just reading all of that.
By mdvelazquez on 2007 08 07
Oh yes, I know all about peeing on the stick. I, like jenny (absolutely bananas) have purchased them by the case online.
So help me if another one ever comes up positive!
And amen for “forgetting” to turn on the monitor! Not that I’d ever do anything like that. *ahem*
By Jennifer on 2007 08 07
Take a receiving blanket or t-shirt and wear it for a day or two. Then, use it as a sheet for his bassinet. It’s your smell that he wants and what comforts him. Yes, even when you haven’t had that shower and you stink of BO mixed with a little(or a lot) of spit up, maybe even a little poo mixed in for good measure. It doesn’t matter to him, he just finds your smell comforting, its what he’s known.
By Mom on Coffee on 2007 08 07
You took a pregnancy test??!! Too funny
I have VERY clingy kids, even at 8, almost 6, and 2 years old. I don’t know how I manage to get done what I get done. I would probably be incapacitated by a fourth :-0 (which is why hubby is getting a V this month!!)
By Melissa R Garrett (Little Woolgatherings) on 2007 08 07
That’s so weird…I have one test left and it’s taken every bit of will power I have not to pee on it. Uh, my stomach is huge, I see the OB/GYN weekly now, I get phone calls every day (How are you feeling? Think the baby will show up soon? When’s your due date again?—it’s Aug. 30th, btw)... and yet I’m still fascinated by the creeping lines on those silly tests. What if it came out negative?
By Smayzie on 2007 08 07
“‘I just enjoy this time because one day he’ll be fighting me off and I’ll miss the days of carrying him around in the sling every goddamn minute of the day.’
Oooh… thanks for saying that. If one more person tells me how much my three year old will hate me when she’s a teenager so I should enjoy the tantrum she’s throwing now, I think I may blow a gasket. Um… thanks for giving me something to look forward to, people.
By NG on 2007 08 07
I’m so glad you are with me on the whole GAG reaction to the “cherishing the moments” they are attached to you with velcro.
Yeah, I need my own space. That’s one big reason we never co-slept.
As for the rest, Friglet is right and so is Chris H.
With each of my children I became less and less dependent on the monitor. And do you know what? They each became better sleepers because they had to comfort themselves.
The first? Didn’t sleep through the night until he was past a year old—I now realize it was because of me. The next child slept 4-5 hours at a time. I turned the monitor way down so that I only heard her if she was screaming her head off. The third? I didn’t even use the monitor during the day and kept it turned way down at night. He was my best sleeper of all.
By sleeping mommy on 2007 08 07
I have taken several-even after the vasectomy….Too funny though-reminds me of Chandler using all of Monica’s ovulation and prego sticks….
By For The Love... on 2007 08 07
I never got the addiction to POS. I just can’t seem to understand it - though, if I hadn’t gotten pregnant as soon as Dh whipped it out, I very well could have become an addict. I guess can see how one would enjoy it so immensely.
And baby monitors? *pppfftttt* I think I’ve only used it when he was sick - to make sure that he wasn’t vomiting in his sleep.
By sam on 2007 08 07
Ah, the stick peeing… I’m doing it a lot right now, because even though I have absolutely no reason to believe that everything isn’t going fine, and I’m getting tireder and sicker by the day, I have this real panic that I will get to the doctor’s appointment in 10 days and he will ultrasound my empty uterus and laugh at the crazy lady who thought she was pregnant…
By Kathies on 2007 08 07
This is the precise reason why we moved from a one story apartment to a two story townhome. “Wow he’s sleeping good! What you forgot to turn the monitor on! ah well I can’t here him!”
By Veronica on 2007 08 07
Im totally guilty of peeing on sticks even though Ive been faithfully taking my BC pills for years (however I have friends with a BC baby- someone has to be that 1% right?) so I guess that makes me a little more paranoid- any time I feel slightly off or weird I wonder if it means Im pregnant- and once I cant take it anymore, off I go to the store to get sticks to pee on- but at least now I have rings on so the little old ladies that I always somehow end up in line with arent giving me dirty looks anymore.
By Sara on 2007 08 07
Yeah, I don’t miss those days. My kids still get uber-clingy when they’re sick. Takes me a day to catch on, too.
By lanna on 2007 08 07
Oh GOD Shea is up my ass too. I actually had to poop while holding him. I have him in the swing now as I scarf down some lunch and he keeps opening one eye and staring me down like “Hey bitch…enjoy this 5 minutes because I’m just resting my lungs.” I haven’t peed on sticks since the 2nd trimester. I peed on them a couple times a week during the first trimester! I don’t pee on them now since I closed up shop in there… otherwise I’d be doing it too… what symptoms are you having?
By Susie on 2007 08 07
My daughter was….who am I kidding….is ...really clingy. She lived in the sling. For the first year of her life, every picture of me at family things was me, with her in the sling, standing up, bouncing her and trying to eat without dropping crumbs on her head.
You are right… this too shall pass….someday. Hang in there.
Why are pregnancy tests so fascinating? I have, at times, been a frequent stick peer-on-er.
By Mel on 2007 08 07
It’s really quite lovely and comforting to know there is someone out there who just MIGHT be more neurotic than I am. (by which I mean only that I haven’t peed on a stick yet since Simon has been born… but I’m sure it’s only a matter of months…)
I heart you, Mrs. Flinger!
By Erin on 2007 08 07