Seattle and our proverbial blue-balls

27/Aug/2010

Mother Nature has been bit of a tease to Seattle this summer, leaning in at the bar just enough to show some cleavage before pulling back and slapping our hand. She buys us a drink, a day of sun, maybe three, and then pushes us away when we reach in to make-out with full on tongue. We purchase sunscreen and sunglasses. We plan camping trips. And then she pulls away, douses our hopes of getting to third base with a week of mist and drizzle at 56 degrees.

In fucking August.

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So we walk around, with our proverbial blue-balls, just waiting for the cold shower of month after month of drizzly gray skies. We find ourselves conspicuously purchasing lotion: plane tickets to sunnier states in an attempt to tell Mother Nature, “it’s not you, really, it’s me..” lying the entire ride to the airport.

We wave a middle finger at her as the plane takes off for Arizona or Hawaii, places where the sun kisses our skin, and oceans and pools lick our toes. All the while we know we’ll return to the proverbial ball-and-chain at home.

We know, for a fact, while our grass is greener, our balls are blue.

*This post brought to you by the first cool day of the season following fourteen pretty chilly weeks of what the rest of the states call “summer.”

**I realize I happen to live in the woods on an acre and my house never gets above 60 degrees so this may be a somewhat skewed view of the summer.

***I’m sure someone here got sweaty this year.

****I probably need therapy for equating Mother Nature to a hussy.

*****I’ll get right on that.

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Comments

  1. Weather…what a cow!

    Haha! Wait, you were talking about the weather right? wink

    If that’s how you describe the weather in Washington State, I wonder how colourful your description of British Summertime weather would be!!

    By Matt Robin on 2010 08 27

  2. Amen Sister.

    By maya on 2010 08 27

  3. I had an e-mail from my brother recently.  He said that he was writing to complain about the heat, but that he had looked up the weather in my locale before he hit send, and discovered that he actually had nothing to say.  His projected high for that day was 81 (F), the heat index for my area was listed at 117 (F).  I had not seen 81 even for a low in weeks.  I have survived a bitterly hot & humid summer in order to prepare for a potentially brutally cold & icy upcoming winter.  Why, oh why?

    By home in kansas on 2010 08 27

  4. My dad lives in Key West. He and my step-mom planned a trip to visit in June once, and he asked what he should wear. I told him to dress like it was winter back home. He brought his jacket and wore it every day; I might have worn a sweatshirt on a truly overcast day.

    By Mighty Hunter on 2010 08 27

  5. The past two weeks here in Texas have seen 100+ degree temperatures every day.  When the high finally got down to around 95, the weatherman said a “cool front” was blowing in.

    56 degrees in the summer sounds miserable.

    By rachathi on 2010 08 27

  6. As an Arizonan who gripes when it’s 110 degrees by breakfast, I suppose the grass is always greener. Except, wait; your grass really IS greener. I mean, you HAVE grass. We have dirt. And rocks.

    Sun’s nice, though. It’s a trade-off.

    By Kimberly Hosey (Arizona Writer) on 2010 08 27

  7. I think you need to get out of the woods woman!  But you know that already- because I tell you that all the time.  wink  I actually think this summer was pretty nice!  Lots of days of A/C- Hayden was sleeping in our bedroom for like 2 weeks straight trying to stay cool.  It got near 100 for SEVERAL days both this month and last….that’s like, unheard of here.  We’ve had an inch of rain this month sure- but, ALL of it was this week (in 2 days).  That means that we had 24 out of 26 days of NO RAIN so far this month- and not only that but 15 of those days were over 72 degrees (7 of those were over 80!)- which who are we kidding, that’s gorgeous for Seattle!  Oh also?  In July, we had a TOTAL of 0.13 inches of rain.  That’s Zero Point One Three woman!  LIKE NO RAIN in ALL of July!  And a high temp of 95.  Just sayin’.  wink  OK, I am done.

    By Michelle M on 2010 08 27

  8. No doubt. Ever since I moved here, Seattle has totally redefined summer.  A week of sunshine and temps above 75 degrees…

    By Dan Grady on 2010 08 27

  9. Until this week we in San Francisco hadn’t seen sun since June. JUNE! I so feel your pain. Mother Nature’s not just a hussy, she’s totally a bitch.

    By Clair on 2010 08 27

  10. Michelle lives on a summit of awesome with sun. Seriously, it’s like another freaking country.

    She is the one person who sweat this year. raspberry

    By Mrs. Flinger on 2010 08 27

  11. matt already said it, but—welcome to british summertime.  if it gets above 55, everyone complains about the heat. 

    meanwhile i’m nursing a cold, chain-drinking hot tea, and wearing wool socks and four sweaters.

    By Katie on 2010 08 28

  12. I like it the hotter the better. When it’s not, you can always find a place to cool down, but when it’s cold. You stay cold.
    Humans were designed for a tropical environment.

    By MarkD60 on 2010 08 28

  13. She stood us up for two months of rain, then flashed us but if you were taking a sip of consolation, you missed it.  We held hands for a little while but she just refused to go steady.  She left town about a week ago and promised to call…..

    Weird weather year all-round.

    Condolences on the loss of your heat wave.

    By CitricSugar on 2010 08 28

  14. I know the grass is always greener, but that sounds like my ideal weather. I do not enjoy the heat of summer. But I get that it would probably get a little wearing after a while.

    By Mama Bub on 2010 08 29

  15. Yup, it never really did get very warm this summer, much less hot. Even the days they said Oh 90! Nope, 86 was the closest it got.

    Quite the tease this summer. School starts on Thursday so thats it. See you next year.

    I kind of like, kind of don’t actually. Wow, this comment is all over the place isn’t it. Guess I should get back to folding laundry.

    By monstergirlee on 2010 08 29

  16. Want to house swap? You can warm up in the 110+ temps here in Vegas in July next year. I’ll take your cloudy skies.

    By Nancy on 2010 08 31