• July 25, 2005

    I’m glad you and Mr. Flinger had a nice long chat.  As hard as it can be to be so freakin’ honest, it usually turns out better in the end.  Good for you!

    I can’t give you any advice on how my marriage has changed since having kids…since that’s hopefully still a few years down the road for us!  I’m still trying to figure out why just getting married has changed our relationship so much!

  • July 25, 2005

    we’ve had those talks from the very beginning and I don’t see them ever going away. In fact, I think they are important so that neither party becomes disnefranchised from the other…that’s when isolation sets in an divorce-talk. Um. Having kids mainly changed our relationship in the most common way. No more US time, and very little self-time. As a result, whatever time is laying around tends to get shuttled over to self-time and then the other gets pissed because they want US time, not self-time. We take turns getting pizzed. Now that is how things changed for the negative. For the positive, we have NEVER been so happy and cannot conceive of life without these tiny tiny blokes.

  • July 25, 2005

    Girl, I am with Mr. Flinger - I think you are! Maybe it’s the implantation hurt raspberry:

    Well since we started our marriage half assed backwards and had kids before commitment, we never really had “US” time. There are times that we look at everyone else and say “damn it would have been nice to just live together - just us”. But I think there is a “PLAN” for everyone and we are soulmates (gush…gush..) They were just too many coincidences and stuff that happened to get us to where we are today!

    As long as you two can talk it out and be truthfully honest with one another, I think you are stuck for life! Where the heck are you anyways??

  • July 26, 2005

    HUmmm not sure about the pain..could be ligament pain..from your uterus boucning back to preggo state. I had that early with the 2nd pg and it hurt really bad. it was in the ovary area..I started freaking at every twinge..because it happened so much earlier.

    about marriage after baby….that is the one thing they do NOT have covered in the pregnancy books. I remember being told that a baby totally changes a marriage. I didnt really understand til baby came. There is a new competition of who does “more” with the baby, the who’s “turn” to change a diaper, or feed. The who gets to do the fun things, while the other does the dirty things. There is stress, of losing the self, and the us, and when there isnt alot of time to talk about it, it all piles up. The arguing starts, the bickering, the fighting. Communication is the biggest key. If you can talk about it then you can combat alot of it. Children brought into your life is the most amazing thing ever, but it definantly changes the marriage..and once you can work through the changes, it makes you stronger. So by you guys talking about it..thats an awesome start smile It will get better as you figure out the new “us”.

  • Holly
    July 27, 2005

    Don’t know what the pain could be- did you have anything like that with LB?

    As far as your question, kids didn’t really change our marriage as much as moving to another state did.  With #1 we were still fairly new to marriage (I got pregnant with him 4-5 months after we got married) and lived above my inlaws, which was GREAT.  Anytime we needed time to ourselves, we had free babysitting, so we still had plenty of US time.  Change came more when #2 was on the way- we moved twice (the first time 1hour away from family and the next 11/12 hours away)- plus our nice manageable apartment turned into a 3 bedroom house and then a 5 bedroom house.  I think that had more impact on our marriage than just the kids issue- because now we can’t just “get away” (no reliable babysitters) and we have less time to do stuff anyhow, since we have a house to take care of.  We still have a great marriage, but we do have to stop and talk about how we are doing every once in awhile.  (and what each of us can do to make it better.)

  • July 27, 2005

    Girl, fast forward time and let that stick show that you are pregnant.  You must be!

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