Do you suck at memes? I know you don’t because I see you doing them. I SUCK at memes. So instead, let me tell you about this time I went to a party and told a roomful of people I just met six weird things about me.
Friday night I went to a mom’s night out gig with a group of women from the Yahoo group I joined. It was fun and I got to meet a group of women without a child attached to the hip. I think it’s amazing that a group of women can get together with nothing else in common but the fact that they spawned children and talk for hours in the kitchen about everything from boobs to episiotomy stitches to baby food. And somehow, I was able to come up with six freakish things to share in the first two hours but I’ve been sitting here with this meme in draft form for a week.
So, here it is. Six weird things that I can’t think of when I am supposed to do a meme but am perfectly able to spill to a roomful of moms I met hours before. (Dedicated to Emily and Mamma A and Domestic Diva. )
1. I didn’t have my first alcoholic drink until I was twenty-one. It was a nuclear Ice Tea from Red Robin with my college roommates who took me out to celebrate. These are now the same gals that I drink with still.
2. I was never offered any sort of drug until I was twenty-five. I was at the hanger with a bunch of sky divers camping out when I was passed a joint. I nearly laughed at them thinking “y’all, I’m twenty-five and I’m just now getting my first offer at a joint?” but instead I passed feeling enough buzz from my wine and hearing the decades of “just say no” from the after school specials and DARE officers from the 80’s. And oh-my-god I mean the EIGHTIES. (I was offered my first joint in the year 2000)
3. I went to the ER when I thought my water broke at 31 weeks with my first pregnancy. You see, I sat on a chair outside my In Laws house and when I stood up, mine was the only chair wet. My shorts were soaked all the way through. Mine was The Only One. Naturally, I considered a) my water broke or b) my water broke.
I never considered c) the chair was the only one not under the deck cover and may have been the only one wet.
4. I also thought I’d wrap the umbilical chord around LB’s neck if I rolled over in bed too much. In fact, I even asked my doctor about it. I won’t repeat the face she gave me: a blend of sympathy and look of complete astonishment.
5. I’m hoping recent keyword searches from google are not like TiVo. You know how TiVo will suggest TV shows you should watch based on your scheduled programming? Google searches aren’t like that at all.
6. I have this website. I write a lot of things for people to read. And the funniest thing about it? My name is not really Flinger. But I get mail to that name all. the. time.
If you wanna do the meme, drop your link in the comments. I won’t make you participate. I know how much harder it is to write with all that pressure. I mean OH-MY-GOD-THE-PRESSURE. Or, maybe that’s just me.
Ha ha ha, well done honey. I know there is more wierd out there, but I will settle for that for now.
By Emily on 2007 01 28
LMAO - The funniest thing about that is that when I do send you stuff and talk about you - I use Flinger alot and G goes - WHO? I know your really name and I still can’t get it right.
BTW - Ry asked if we could go tot LBs house today about 5 times. I thought it was funny.
By Nicole on 2007 01 29
And here I though that pressure was Baby A squeezed way down there in my pelvis and headbutting my bladder. I’m gonna try and do it, if so I’ll pop back by with a link.
By Jessica on 2007 01 29
Last night my husband looked over my shoulder while I was in e-mail ... he pays close to NO attention to my blog friends… but I cracked up when he asked “who ya writing to? Booger Flinger?”
This is a good list. The ER thing? Very funny.
So cool that you’ve joined a Mom group through Yahoo. SO cool!!
By Marie on 2007 01 29
I didn’t have my first drink until I was 21, too. And my first joint? 25.
By Karyn on 2007 01 29
OMG #3 LMFAO!
Hopefully pg #2 is a little more relaxed for you!
By Lgirl on 2007 01 29
That cracks me up about you thinking your water broke. I probably would have thought the same thing! I actually felt mine pop. It was so weird! I remember those DARE officers too. ;0) I guess I should have paid attention in class!
By kelli on 2007 01 29
I completely understand meeting a group of women for the first time and how amazing it is for complete strangers to talk about all things related to the vee-jay jay.
I’ve talked about epiderals, swollen areas, and sagging boobs more times with strangers than with my own Mother.
By ^starshine on 2007 01 29
Well, I’ll be damned. THAT’S what a meme is. Always wondered.
By Emily on 2007 01 29
oh man, the wet chair thingy is just bad hilarious! cackle!
By texasbelle on 2007 01 29
I think I once sent you a Christmas card and addressed it to the Flingers cause I couldn’t remember how to spell your last name. I ruined like 3 envelopes trying to write it out.
I totally remember that wet chair story. See! We totally go WAY back. Isn’t it crazy that we are going to both have two kids? And John and i were talking last night and decided we definitely want to have third some day. Dude, what happened?
By Rachael on 2007 01 29
I love the Google search terms! All I get is 8 dpo, 9 do, trying to conceive, etc. Apparently, you are the go-to source of lesbian quizzes!
By SaraS-P on 2007 01 29
I didnt have my first drink until 18…
I dont know why I didnt pass up the joint when I was 21… I could have been in the “Hearing the decades of just say no” Group… damnit. Oh well!
And your Google searches?! My goodness… lets add “lesbian fantasies” and your list is complete!
By andrudeness on 2007 01 30
You are so goddamn funny. “..whatever you do/ don’t put the blame on you/ blame it on the rain/ yeah/yeah…”
By Wacky Mommy on 2007 01 30
I nearly peed my pants laughing (with you of course) at #3.
By mdvelazquez on 2007 01 30
Yup, #3 was funny… and #4 makes sense!
By Holly on 2007 01 30
I totally freaked out my younger brother and sister when I told them recently I had never smoked pot. Ne-ver. Hee!!
You are awesome!!
And so are those search strings. WTF?
By Stephanie on 2007 01 30
It’s not just you. I got tagged for this same meme weeks and weeks ago and am still drawing a blank.
By Tere on 2007 01 30