Geeky Talks
Speaking his language
After knowing Mr. Flinger for nearly twenty years now, seven years of those married, six of those as best friends, and 5 years of dating, you’d think I kinda know the guy a bit. You’d think that. And you’d be right. Mostly.
For some reason I’ve been approaching this whole birth control thing completely wrong. I’ve been approaching it like a women, with logic and emotion. *We* don’t want to have children, so *we* need to find a solution that works for *us*. *We* need to get a cost effective/low impact solution. *We* don’t need the Mommy (hi) to be an emotional wreck from the hormones of Birth Control Pills (also? I can not be counted on to take them thus making their reliability around 2%) or the IUD*. *We* don’t like condoms. *We* don’t want an abortion. *We* don’t want to do this again. We’re happy. With two. A boy and a girl. Remember?
So why is it that The Other Solution isn’t discussed? Because he doesn’t want to discuss it. Because “he’s not ready for that” and “not man enough” and “someblatheringIcan’tunderstand”.
Then it hit me. A chart. I needed a chart.
Lo, I created a chart.
Remember back when we purchased our garbage can? Remember how
he graphed my hormones during my miscarriage? Did you know he once asked me to rate my daily activities on a scale of one to ten before deciding to go back to Graduate School? You know, to quantify the decision?
Graphs. Charts. Engineer. :: Slaps Forehead ::
:: owie ::
So I decided to quantify the decision. And this is what I came up with.
Note in Figure A we have a cost ration per various solutions. Note that in Figure B, all birth control costs pail in comparison to the cost of raising a child as noted on Baby Center.
Here in Figure C we have the joy ratio of various birth control methods:
And here is the link I’m sending via IM to my husband as we speak.
Did I mention the pocket knife? You get a pocket knife. Snip. Snip.
Maybe now I’ve talked his language, he will talk mine. BowChickaBowWow.
*A note about The IUD. I thought about this route. I thought long and hard. I thought I’d go this route but in order to do so, my doctor wants me to call The First Day Of My Cycle, which as you know, is completely unpredictable and irratic (because the ENTIRE internet knows this about me) and thus have been trying to get in for three months now. Three. Long. Sexless. Months.
**I didn’t even take in the anual cost of therapy the third child will bring, the cases of wine consuned before child reaches four, or the pregnancy tests I will continue to pee on until the snip is complete.
**For your further reading enjoyment.
Mar, 03, 2008 Filed in: Write •The Flinger Family •Pregnancy •got pee sticks? •Parenting Siblings •Mrs. Flinger Said So • Read the Archives 
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LOVE the graphs!
I guess I’m lucky in that Hubs OFFERED to get the snip…of course he has yet to DO it; he’s trying to fit it in between sports seasons (I guess it’ll be after baseball season now!)
How did it go over with Mr. Flinger? Do you need me to get Tim to talk to him?
I love the “Joy Factors,” and the fact that condom=zero. A-MEN.
I must biggify Figure A and print it out [for my excuse-making husband]. At. Once.
This is hilarious. Also I have found that babysitting is a pretty damn effective birth control. But I suppose the joy factor would be a big fat 0 because it also promotes abstinence.
So, did the rational explanation work for him?
My husband has offered to get snipped, but I’m the one wanting to wait just a little bit longer, to really make sure we’re done. I may be looking into the IUD, because condoms are no fun.
Um, can I borrow those charts?!? We’ve had some similar conversations over here…
I believe this is the most brilliant thing I’ve ever read in my whole life! My husband would have totally gone for this. I may steal this idea in 5 years when my IUD’s rent is up.
Here’s wishing you luck as my “20 years of pills, 2 pregnancies, and 2 C-Sections seem like my share fair - it’s time you take some of this yoke darling” lecture doesn’t seem to work.
My next tactic is going to be to to join forces with my neighbor. We’re going to make the two big sissy boys go together and hold hands.
I love the graphs, too. If he doesn’t get snipped, there’s always the option of getting your tubes tied. It’s an outpatient procedure and most insurance covers it 100%. I did it and have never (well, maybe once or twice since I started reading blogs) looked back.
Now, when he does get snipped (because I have no doubt that he will when he sees your excellent graphs), make sure that you do still, y’know, be real careful for a while. Those suckers hide - you can’t be sure until they’re all flushed out. {wink}
Oh girlfriend… mmmm-hmmmm. You go girl. RIGHT ON. You can bet you damn bottom dollar that man’s gettin the “snip snip” option. What, are you f’ing kidding me? Here’s the equation as I see it:
YOU:
1. Period every month most of your life
2. Hormones raging
3. Must endure gynecological exams, etc.
4. PPD (need I say more?)
5. Miscarriage trauma
6. GAVE BIRTH TO TWO HUMAN BEINGS OUT YOUR VA-JAY-JAY!
7. Body has been a physical/emotional war zone for many years due to the above.
8. Cook, clean, raise children, stay at home…
HIM:
1. Goes to work
2. Maybe a finger in the butt once in a while for a prostate checkup.
Okay, maybe this isn’t EXACTLY how it is at your house, but it’s pretty much how it is most of the time for us women. So, FUCK YAH. Sign him up.
Trust me, the snip is the only way to go. Do whatever you have to to convince him. It’s totally worth it.
Good luck. I hope he goes for it. Mine wouldn’t so *we* had a tubal ligation during the Csection with our third child. I was so done.
By the way, they don’t tell you that there is increased chance of severe pain during ovulation with the tubal. I had to learn the hard way.
Two things helped hubby finalize his decision to get snipped.
1) After four different people have come flying out of my uterus, his putting the birth control responsibility on ME when his getting snipped is so EASY made him seem like a total asshole.
2) And the fact that I told him I wasn’t having sex with him ever again after four kids until he got his junk cut.
Decision made.
A weekend on the couch with a bag of frozen peas on his nuts and he was good as new. Cost $20 co-pay. Woot!
After two years of extreme nagging, my husband is getting his V in two weeks.
I would be happy to chart his progress for your husband. I think it would look something like:
Day One of V Joy Factor
0
Day Two of V Joy Factor
1
Day Three of V Joy Factor
2
Every Other Day of Your Life
10+
Not having your wife kill you:
Priceless
I keep hoping that we will find out that we or one of is suddenly sterile..maybe from standing too close to the microwave or something…this so that the decision no longer belongs to us.
I am too old and too hormonal to think about all this stuff.
Oh my goodness…Are we living parallel lives? My hubby and I had this discussion AGAIN last night as I was rereading the side effects and issues that go along with the third set of birth control pills that I’m on. We’re done with kids…it’s his turn!
Let me know what works for you…I may give my hubby the ol pocket knife scenario…I got a really cute pink one for Christmas! : )
Amy~
I’m totally showing this post to my husband tonight. It’s brilliant! He cant argue with logic like you show here. Not that he tries to actually argue about the whole vasectomy thing, just keeps “forgetting” to call his doctor to discuss it.
The fact that the IUD & vasectomy have a higher joy factor than raising a child is cracking me up. That’s awesome.
Do we share the same husband? Mine is all about the graphs and charts, Excel spreadsheets and statistical calculations.
Although in our case, we’ve LONG established that he is getting the snip when we’re done.
The excel sheet & charts are awesome!
*We* are talking about the same issue, and decided I’ll go on pill. Pill failed us once before, but we are ok with the risk of getting pregnant. I have an IUD now, and absolutely hate it. We are in our early 30’s and can’t really say “that’s it” - not just yet, so we are not ready for snipping.
You can read about my IUD hell:
http://skimbaco.blogspot.com/2008/02/im-in-birth-control-hell.html
Good luck!
If he does go through with it let him know he can take Tylenol. My hubby was in a “oh my God, what did you just do to my manhood” stupor and thought the doctor said he could NOT take Tylenol. So he didn’t take any. Even when his testicles swelled up and it looked like he had three balls instead of two. Finally I called the doctor and he’s all “Why isn’t he taking Tylenol?” Men. Please don’t tell my husband I just talked about his balls on the internet.
Maybe this live blog of a vasectomy will help?
Sometimes these decisions take time.
I really like the Nuvaring in case you want to know.
How are you?
Sometimes these decisions take time.
I really like the Nuvaring in case you want to know.
How are you?
My hubby had a vasectomy and it was no big deal at all. He was in and out in no time. I had no problem staying on the pill until our friend almost died from blood anouism (sp?) which they believed was linked to the pill so he scheduled his vasectomy asap after that. Tell him if you can give birth and go through real pain he can suck it up and do this one little thing. Also tell him that in order for all his boys to be in the clear you need to make some lovin’ at least 20 times, and no I’m not kidding:) My hubby was sold right away when he heard that…lol!
Is it me or does Dr. Snip look like the Joker from the old Batman sitcom?
Great job on the graphs. What did Mr. Flinger say?
Well, darnit, yo. I didn’t see your comments in my inbox again. But I can tell you collectively that Mr. Flinger simply said, “If you use a plot graph you can compare the mean of joy versus cost instead of using two bar graphs.”
Um. Hi.
We’ll never do “it” again, will we.
One day, Mr. Flinger will hopefully see things your way.
I’m so glad my wife has no clue on how to use excel.
She would be so pissed to do all that work for something I wouldn’t look at.
You never know, maybe he secretly wants a third….
I always thought we might have a third, at some point, but never pushed it and was anal about charting to avoid (BBT and such a la FAM) since I figured I had plenty of time to make him come around if I felt that strongly enough at some point. Lo and behold - hubby and his little spermies did it all themselves without me doing a darn thing. You just never know…
I love this! I can relate. My husband is also an engineer and I swear it’s like playing a cruel game of telephone when we talk to each other. We are so different.
Communication is our biggest challenge. That is why I appreciate this so much. You are a geni.us.
Heh. And then there is my husband who has the names of the urologists on the fridge. Heh.
Thanks for this post! I will make sure my husband reads it. He’s an engineer too, and our third child is almost 2. That means we’ve been playing with fire for over 18 months.
Snip: yes. Baby #4: not so much.
Oooohhh yes. When I tried to convince Hubs to get snipped, he turned white. I didn’t want to take bc pills anymore. So I thought I’d pull out the big guns.
“No actual sex then until you get snipped.”
He wouldn’t get snipped. For a freaking YEAR.
I finally snapped and jumped him, sans any baby prevention stuff and hoped I’d just get pregnant. Hey, I wanted two anyway.
Then I found out that for some reason, I just don’t get preggers. Who knew? Could’ve saved myself a lot of time and heartache, really.