Suddenly birthing children in the bathroom isn’t so unreal

Mar 27, 2007


I remember getting together with Mrs. JB at the puddle park this summer where she waddled, 8 months pregnant, from her car and then exclaimed, “I swear this kid is going to just fall out.” I laughed because HAHA! A kid just falling out, that’s funny. I never felt like that with LB. In fact, even with months of Braxtin-Hicks contractions and the fear of pre-term labor, as my due date got closer, it became evident LB was not leaving on her own accord. In fact, it was never so apparent as the minute they yanked her out via c-section.

Even still, having not stretched out the canal to all hell and not having a pelvis that spreads enough to let ye large noggin’ through, I still feel as though this child is going to simply fall out when I “hurry” across the street. (I say “hurry” with quotes because, seriously, I do not hurry.) Waddling around the outlet malls last weekend, I realized at one point that I had pressure Down There. Having never felt said pressure, I leaned to Mr. Flinger and whispered, “I swear to god, this child is about to slip out.” He laughed. I laughed. I peed a little.

I’ve decided it’s best that I take up the “I’m pregnant and large” attitude and kick up my feet more often now, even while gritting my teeth because I ate yet another root-beer float and the weight is rapidly rising not unlike those herding buffalo. My preconceived notion of working out until the birth, the mounds of vegetables and low-fat protein, the water I would consume, have all but gone down the drain. In its place, I waddle across the street or from location to location, I struggle to put on my socks, I no longer carry my child telling her, “I have a one kid limit.” It’s not exactly romantic.

Instead, I concentrate very hard on not letting a baby slip out of my hayhay. Because some days, I swear to you, he is aiming for a sneak-peak.


  1. I can’t believe you told the internet “I peed a little.”  Good stuff.

    By Emily on 2007 03 27

  2. He’s not gonna slip out of your hayhay!  You are too funny!

    By Kerry on 2007 03 27

  3. thank god someone else is in my shoes.  I’m 31 weeks pregnant and sneezed so hard I too, “pee’d a little”.  It was so embarassing and having hubby stand there and laugh was not funny at all.  I also can relate completely to this kid wanting to just fall out while I’m walking.  Insane!

    Good luck chicky!

    By Domestic Diva on 2007 03 27

  4. That is funny I have the same comment as the other Emily. I peed a little bit too just reading that.

    By Emily on 2007 03 27

  5. He, he, he! I remember feeling like Mimi was going to drop out. In fact, at one of my appointments I asked the doctor if he was sure that she was still in because after walking around the school in which I worked to get papers signed, I was sure I dropped her during one of my 12 bathroom stops.

    Even now, 11 months after giving birth, I sometimes feel like I am going to drop something. I find myself tightening my anus muscles, just in case. Alas, it is only my bladder that is threatening to eject itself.

    Good luck.

    By Kristina on 2007 03 27

  6. I felt that way a bunch with my 2nd pregnancy, but amazingly enough I haven’t felt that way this time.  I think this baby is really high up, because I can’t breathe.  Or it could be the 80 degree weather.  Regardless, like you, I’m quite uncomfortable.

    By Charla on 2007 03 27

  7. I never felt this with my girl.  She was so high that I couldn’t breathe and I had to go do some high diving maneuvers at the pool at 36 weeks along to get her to switch to the head down position.  I screamed with that did happen…

    It is sort of funny because I never did that pee all the time even while I was pregnant.  I just had this baby up in my ribs.

    Great post though…I am feeling for you.

    By Jennifer on 2007 03 28

  8. Oh yes…incontinence… I have to remind myself to go sit on the toilet if i’m going to sneeze or laugh…and if I’m at the store, I try not to look too obvious while I cross my legs whenever I sneeze…eh…
    Oh, the joys.  And I’m so glad you are not afraid to talk about this stuff, and really, I’m not either, I just know it would absolutely horrify some of my readers. Maybe I should just do it anyways… hee hee hee.

    By sarahgrace on 2007 03 28

  9. I still get a kick out of the word “hayhay.” LOL!

    I remember feeling like that, especially with Jacob, as I was 6cm before I dragged my hiney to the hospital! But Bridget is the one that practically fell out. I went from 3 to delivered in 45 minutes! A whiff of pitocin was all I needed - woo hoo!

    By Melissa R. Garrett on 2007 03 28

  10. I had a c-section with my first son and never experienced contractions or water breaking; let alone any of the other scary things every woman talks about. I was oblivious!  Along came baby number 2.  Karma got me 10 fold because all the things I told my friend “could not be that bad”, were that bad.  He didn’t “fall out” nor did I even dilate, but I sure as hell thought I had.  I still don’t know what its like to give birth through the hay hay and honestly I am okay with that but I have felt pressure and it is not good.  Not. Good.  Best of luck with the rest of your pregnancy, there is light at the end of the tunnel. Did I say that?  That is so not funny.

    By Stephanie on 2007 03 28

  11. I almost peed a little when I saw that you actually wrote “I peed a little!” HA!

    By Mrs. M on 2007 03 28