Did you know that if you look on a map, “Holland” isn’t there? NO. What’s this bullshit about me going to “Holland” then? Well, apparently I’m in The Netherlands which is just sort of in the middle of all the peace-keeping, fence-sitting, pot-smoking countries. And BYGOD I love it here.
I’m here on business which means I’m here representing Engine Hosting who, along with my new friend WHOOOOOZE, sponsored my trip here so that I could speak at the EECI2009 Conference. I will not only buy them a beer but also possibly shout out their company names in the streets of Holland, I mean, The Netherlands whilst smoking pot and holding the hands of gay and lesbians.
Bygod I love it here.
And what’s this buillshit about everyone speaking English in Holland, I mean, The Netherlands? Because the ONE PERSON I asked, “Did she say Leiden? Leiden? Is this LEIDEN?” He shook his head no, so I stayed on the train, only to find out HAHA SUCKER, that WAS Leiden and he was saying, “NO, I have no idea what you American Lady Is Saying. LEIDEN LEIDEN. WTF”
So I got on another train heading, from platform six so naturally, BACK to Leiden. Except HAHA NO. The ticket man said, “Leiden? [words I don’t understand that may have included some mocking, possibly cussing me out and maybe using the C word in Dutch] No. AIRPORT.” And so I was back at the Airport.
That I understood. ZOOOM PLANES ZOOOOOM.
So I sheeplishly told the ticket man at the train station I REALLY needed to get to LEIDEN, if that was, in fact, a place in The Netherlands, or does it mean something else like Constantinople.
He told me “NINE FIFTY NINE TRAIN” so I purchased my THIRD ticket to Leiden and got on the NINE FIFTY NINE train. Where I met Frank.
Frank is a flamingly lovely gay black man from New York living in The Netherlands with his Husband. We chatted about the USA, Holland, I mean The Netherlands, and being married. I love Frank. Frank told me all about Leiden and where I needed to go in order to possibly shower and to not take a nap because you’ll never sleep again. Time change and all that.
And when I finally arrived at my hotel, I have Frank, my flaming gay black friend, to thank. Who speaks English. Because the rest of these fuckers are confusing as hell.
But BYGOD I love it here.
And LOOK! A real live motherfucking WINDMILL right outside my window, bitches!
bygod I love it here.
(This post is brought to you by the fact that I’ve been up nearly 24 hours straight, had 4 beers about 10 hours ago, sucked in recirculated airplane air and did I mention the trains? The three trains? And the not sleeping?)
(Oh, and I forgot to tell you that I did, in fact, see the sun come up over Amsterdam and it was beautiful. I bet a lot like what people see when they’re smoking pot.)
(Which, I’m guessing, is the hue over the city there. They don’t have smog here, what with all the bicycles and trains, but they do have the pot-fog.)
(Also, I’ve never, not once in my ENTIRE LIFE, smoked a joint. Sucked a dooby. Puffed a roll. NEVER. Not once.)
(I’m not saying I WOULDN’T should it be LEGAL.)
(Bygod I love it here.)
17 guests here now.
ZOOOM PLANES ZOOOOOM.
Cracked me up.
By C @ Kid Things on 2009 10 21
Heh. Never know just where in the world I’ll find Mrs. Flinger, next.
Bygod, I love it here!
Have a great time and, meh, you’ve seen one motherf***ing windmill, you’ve seen ‘em all.
Yeah, we got one in Jersey…pshaw!
By Liz@thisfullhouse on 2009 10 21
You write ZOOM PLANES ZOOOOM and expect me to believe you’re not stoned?
BWAHAHAHAHA. Silly American. I’m Canadian. We invented stoned.
Have fun betch!
By Karen Sugarpants on 2009 10 21
Be sure to wave a big HI! to my friend Patty while you are in Holland…I mean, the Netherlands! Yes, I know someone that lives there…weird, huh? She’s absolutely GREAT and has a brand new baby daughter that is georgous! I can’t tell you how jealous I am!
I know exactly 3 dutch words and I don’t think they will help you out there. Knuffles and kusjes, shat. What does it mean? Hugs & kisses, baby!
Smoke one for me!
By Vicki on 2009 10 21
BYGOD, I lurve you!!! Hope you are having a fabulous time with the windmills, pot smokers and trains!!! Oh, and with your new friend Frank!
By AmazingGreis on 2009 10 21
I have met numerous Dutch people who do NOT speak English. In Canada ( where we didn’t technically invent stoned, btw… although, if you walk down the streets in Whistler for too long, you get lit by proxy -Maybe Karen’s right…. )
Whenever I travel, I try to make an effort with the language and usually some teenager comes along to take pity on me. However, in Warsaw, there were FIVE of us who spoke 11 languages between us and we couldn’t order a meal. Even with pointing to “cheeseburger” and “soup” on a menu.
You’ve learned the best lesson travelling can teach you - not everyone speaks English. And the second best - windmills are fun!!
By Carly on 2009 10 21
BYGOD you completely crack me up!! Too funny. Hope you did get some sleep though.
By Lynda Bouck on 2009 10 22
BWAHAHAHAHAHA BYGOD YOU SLAY ME.
Also? Completely jealous of you black flaming friend Frank. You are having way too much fun! (And you deserve it!)
By Loralee on 2009 10 22
> (I’m not saying I WOULDN’T should it be LEGAL.)
By Adam Khan on 2009 10 23
Bygod I’m glad you finally made it to Lieden!
Bygod, I am grateful that you found Frank!
Bygod I hope you’ve gotten some sleep!
How’s your voice? How did the speaker notes to slideshow come off?
By Frelle on 2009 10 24
Holy cow what an amazing opportunity! You have found your path, that is awesome. Hope you had fun!
By RB on 2009 11 02