A few weeks ago, I attended an amazing panel about our girls being “sexy too soon” by Parent Map. I was asked to tweet about the event during the discussion and received a ton of great feedback via twitter regarding the content of the session. It was well done and truly full of wonderful ideas to reach out to our girls.
As I grabbed the courage to stand and ask a question, an Asian lady stood up before me to ask hers. “It’s taken us two hours and we haven’t talked about race,” she said. The room fell silent. The all white panel stammered. “Um, yea…” The question-asker went on, “You know where my husband has to go find porn that looks like me? The FETISH section. That’s because we over-romanticize and sexualize our blonde-hair, blue-eyed women.”
Everyone sort of smacked their gum and pushed their collection jaws shut.
I honestly can’t remember exactly what this ladies point was. Was it about how we don’t treat all races equal? Or was it that I, a two-time-c-section recipient with abs that jiggle when I walk am not overly sexualized in porn films, too? I mean, let’s face it, if MY husband wanted to find a film with someone who looks like me in it, he’d have to hit up the “your mama has two babies and you wanna do her hot ladiez” section.
I’m pretty sure it would start a mom running with her uterus flopping around madly yelling at her kids in her sweats.
How many times have I blogged about my weight and my body? You’ve lost count, you say? So have I. It’s a struggle I’ve had long before I was ever a mom. I struggled as a pre-teen, as a teen, as an early 20’s and now as a mom. It’s hard to stay at my “happy weight” and I’m clearly miles from it now. (Literally MILES people. As in “run/bike/walk a shit-ton of miles and maybe you MIGHT be at your goal weight as long as there is not a brewery at the end of the rainbow.)
I like beer. I like Wine. And I love Chocolate.
I hate my body right now.
In a fit of disgust, I did a facebook search for Body-for-LIFE and found Formerly Fat Matt. My husband and I have both been successful on Body-for-LIFE so I thought perhaps we can do it as a team again. I was inspired.
So inspired, in fact, that I ate smores, three (and a half) beers and full-fat-stuffed-salmon and mayonnaise with salad on it for dinner on Saturday.
I talked to Mr. Flinger about it this morning. “You know who always talks about diets?” I said. “Fat People.” He agreed. Skinny people just DO it. Fat people talk about doing it.
Man, I talk a lot about losing weight, don’t I.
So here I am. Almost thirty-five, frustrated, laid off, not having sex enough and trying to find some sort of balance between being a mom and being me. I’m the perfect “before” for Body-for-LIFE. Give me 12 weeks. I’d like to prove that I’m the perfect “after” too.
Starting the challenge for round 3 in 2010. If you join, let me know. I’d like to know who’s ass I’m kicking. heh
I know you can do it! Right here- behind you! GO Mrs.F. GO!
By Michelle Mallory on 2010 05 16
Ok, confession? I’ve been anxious, like really anxious, about meeting everyone at BlogHer because I’ve been really unhappy with my bod in the last year. I may be fabulous, but I’m human.
I lost a crapton of weight 7 years ago and let half of creep back on again thanks to… well, martinis. And a comfy office chair. And a dusty gym membership. And I’m only slightly mortified about it. (read: wtf?!)
You’ve inspired me! I don’t know if I’m a BFL-er, but I am definitely a non-practicing Weight Watcher. It’s time to climb back on the elliptical and start taking this more seriously.
Thanks for the virtual kick in the ass. YOU CAN DO EEEEET!
By Joelle on 2010 05 16
GL with the body stuff.
I can imagine that some of the lady’s point was about the fetishizing of race. Asian women ARE all-too-often portrayed as ‘exotic’ or sex slaves—I imagine that ‘sexy too soon’ is experienced differently due to that.
I’ll recommend Margaret Cho’s first concert film if you haven’t seen it—illuminating. As fair-skinned folks in the US, we have a lot of White Privilege going on.
Pardon my threadjacking, but as an Anthropologist in my student years, I couldn’t let it go. ;p
By Al_Pal on 2010 05 17
The panel was about “sexy too soon”, so about children and how they dress and act, and what they are exposed to in terms of music, film and literature, right?
So how is the sexual perception of adults - regardless of race - relevant anyway?
By pixielation on 2010 05 17
It sounds like you’re really committed - I believe you can do it!
By Megan (Best of Fates) on 2010 05 17
My husband and I had almost the same conversation this weekend, and also concluded we’d start Body for Life. I’m reading the book, trying to figure out how to plan all the workouts/meals around our baby, and so far this morning I’ve done an upper body workout. Sort of.
Of course, I’m also fighting off the urge to eat the Swiss Rolls that are in my pantry right now.
Are you going to be blogging throughout the next 12 weeks about your progress?
By chirky on 2010 05 17
“as long as there is not a brewery at the end of the rainbow”—HA! so funny.
I just bought a whole series of yoga classes, and I looked at the couch to 5k web site and thought it looked doable for me. I hope it is, though just today I posted the recipe for Salted Caramel Strawberries so -um- maybe I need to stop cooking first.
By amy2boys on 2010 05 17
I think you are harder on yourself than you need to be. In all of your pictures, I’ve only seen what looks like a happy, fun-loving woman. Someone I’d have a blast with if I lived near you or you lived near me.
By Jamie, Mom of 3 on 2010 05 17
I too hate my body. It is a funny thing to hate the vessel that gets me from a to b. To hate the thing that gave life to my kids is just plain weird to me, shouldn’t I be reveling in my majesty? To know that my husband would have to surf the MILF or real women porn sites to see a woman like me is kind of funny because I would never classify myself as a MILF.
I haven’t heard of Body for Life but I will definitely check it out. I am ready to make changes. I am tired of averting my eyes when I encounter a mirror or streaking past the mirrored closet. (Seriously, who puts huge mirrors in a room where you get naked?)
By Sandi on 2010 05 17
Jamie, I certainly would hope we have fun! Fun is my favorite. I just think I need to get my body in control before the fun takes over.
And Chirky, I’m going to blog about it but it won’t be in my RSS feed. I’m setting it up right now. Of course I’ll let you know when it’s up. Heh.
Sandi, I hear ya. I’ve done BFL before and it’s always been good to me. If you join, let me know.
By Mrs. Flinger on 2010 05 17
Amen sista! I freaked out a little when I realized I’m going to Hawaii in 12 weeks and if I starve myself for the next 3 months I *may* be at the weight I was last year when we went. WTF?! Where did the last year and all my motivation go? So after eating about a pound of cheese at the Seattle Cheese Festival on Sunday, I went out and bought “The Beck Diet Solution”... which is supposed to “train” (aka trick) your brain into thinking like a thin person. Now if I could only EAT like a thin person, I’ll be in business! I’ll support you 100%!
By Paige on 2010 05 17
I think you are beautiful, inside and out.
I think your floppy belleh is just perfect.
I think you need to stop hating your body in order to love it (wow that sounds brilliant, doesn’t it?).
I think that in order to get your body where you want it to be, you need to love your body.
I think that if you could LOVE your useful body as the strong, capable machine it IS, you will be much, much happier.
I think your flaws will never go away.
I KNOW I love you. LOVE.
By VDog on 2010 05 18