Geeky Talks
The hope is over
Now we need to just cross fingers/pray/beg/hope for a natural miscarriage. Numbers after 46 hours: 65. I’m now so low in my level, there’s no chance I can carry the baby to term. Instead, they’re talking ectopic vs. natural miscarriage. The best I can hope for is to start bleeding soon and have everything pass (how I hate that term). I need to convince my body it’s over. Because it is.
I appreciate all the well wishes and hopeful thoughts. I appreciate people who said, “so and so had low levels and everything is ok!” I think now, though, I need to deal with reality. I can’t believe there is going to be a full term baby when my chances are now less than 1%. It’s time to help my body face what is happening and let go of my April due date. Right now I’d like my own body to heal so I can have another chance.
But I’ll ask you. From someone who never had this, who always says the wrong things, who is hopeless when it comes to the right words, what do you want to hear if you’re in this position? What is the best kind of words you can receive? What would make your tears a little less or your face break into a small smile? ‘Cause until this point, I never really knew what anyone would feel like. And y’all. It sucks.
Welcome!
19 guests here now.
Find Me
Popular Tags
Latest Tweets
-
@CaptGeek I haven’t yet but I did look it over. Was going to start a project that utilized it. You?6 hours, 57 minutes ago
-
@ben_pylo Did so love this chat! I’m writing my API spec now. Loved hearing your opinions. :)8 hours, 54 minutes ago
-
@johndwells @johnhenry_ie @yojam_es My guess is as many as beers were drank. #gEEkbEEr9 hours, 2 minutes ago
Conference and Speaking Gigs
Writing Conferences
Comments
I’m sorry. Crying with you.
It always comforts me to know (and when people remind me) that it’s not in my hands and never was. There’s a reason for everything… even when something SUCKS like this does.
In a more medical sense, it’s always comforting to read/hear that these early m/c are so so SO incredibly common. In this day and age of early pregnancy tests and overzealous testers such as ourselves, we find out when sometimes we probably shouldn’t… if this were 20 years ago, we’d be spared emotional roller coaster of early losses.
I’m so so so sorry… I’m crying for you too. :( I was holding out hope for you over here.
Call me if you need to… I’ll listen as long as you need me to. :(
I don’t know what to say other than I am so very, very sorry.
I’m not sure there is anything I would have wanted to hear. My losses were devasating, and I know you understand that. I am truly sorry to hear that you’re going through this. And it does suck.
Crying tears for you over here. Other than the obligatories, “I’m so sorry,” and “you will get pregnant again and carry to term,” I cannot think of something I would want to hear more than anything. I guess I would rather have someone yell along with me when I want to shout “WHY?” and argue the whole uncertainty of it and someone to cry along with me. I am praying like a madwomen that what needs to pass, passes and soon, so you can move on but even though sounds impossible right now. I’m praying that what’s ahead will be much easier than you imagine it to be. I’m praying for you to sleep peacefully tonight.
So very sorry Leslie.
I am so sorry!
I’m so sorry Leslie. I don’t know what else to say except that I love you and I’m praying for you. I’m here for you if and when you want to talk, or cry, or have me blab about my mundane problems to take your mind off your own, just so you can forget for a moment or two. Love you.
My cousin miscarried 3 times, I never knew what to say. She was older when she got married, now shes 38 and finally out of the danger zone with their first baby. Im so sorry for you. It will happen, youll have a little brother or sister for LB and they will be healthy and happy.
Words don’t necessarily make anything go away. I think the greatest and most comforting knowledge I heard was that ‘I wasn’t alone.’ Although you do end up feeling like you are the only one. After my first miscarriage I became over protective of how early I told people when were pregnant. I am not one who likes a lot of attention drawn to themselves and once I had to tell people about our loss, I felt so on the spot. Raw and exposed. I think it all depends on your personality. Some people really want the comfort of others, while others may take it differently.
You are young and healthy! Someone else chose that this wasn’t the right time and soon it will be the right time again. We live in a time now where we can find out about our pregnancies at such an early stage. At times I think this is very helpful, but at times it can be very detrimental.
I am thinking about you Les and sending lots of my love your way. And Bob too.
Can’t say anything other than I am thinking about you and praying for you.
Oh, honey! :( I am seriously heartbroken for you!
When I had my m/c before Travis was conceived…. I couldn’t imagine ever feeling happy again. God, I cried so much, there weren’t any tears left.
But, you do heal. At least as much as you can. And later, when you get pregnant again. (Because you WILL!) And then worry about every little thing the whole pregnancy. (Because you WILL!) And you carry another baby to term. (Because YOU WILL!)
Later, after you’ve gone through the hard labor, and after everyone has cleared out of your birthing suite. Later, when you’re looking at the most perfect face you’ve ever seen…. and then you know, that without your previous loss you would never know this new little perfect person?
That makes it worth all the pain, all the sorrow, all the worry, and all the tears.
Love to you, sweetie!
Christine
I am so very, very sorry. Wishing you much healing and strength.
I desperately want to say something that will bring comfort & hope to you, while realizing that in times like this you don’t want to hear about how others went through the same thing, or were later sucessful, or even that you’re in my prayers. Sometimes there aren’t words.
I’m sorry you’re having to go through this right now. And you should do what ever will give you some measure of comfort. That includes not having to worry about being a ‘good’ blogger and replying to everyone who comments - unless that helps.
I will say thank you for how much your blog means to me. I respect your courage (b/c laying it all out there takes more guts than I’ve got) and your humor (b/c dang, you’ve got wonderful style). So thanks for sharing it all and because you have, you have a lot more people out there who may never meet you in person, but our hearts go out to you.
I am so sorry. I haven’t lost a baby before and I don’t know the magic words to say but, if you would like someone to listen, please feel free to contact me.
I’m so, so sorry. I wish I knew the exact words to make you feel better, but just know I am thinking and praying for you.
I’m sorry
I was in your position about two months ago, Mrs. Flinger. I was pregnant with our first and as far as I knew everything was going well (I was about 8w). Then one day I just started bleeding and soon after I miscarried. There was no reason or cause and nothing that anyone could say to make me feel better. Up until about two weeks ago, I was still crying. You have experienced a loss no matter how far along you were. You just have to let the tears roll and know it was not your fault. Good luck, hun!
P.S. Avoid anyone who is pregnant or currently has a newborn for a while ? it?s been two months and I still get weepy whenever I pass the baby stores in the mall.
I am so sorry! My thoughts are with you.
I, too, don’t have the words, but I do know how heartbreaking it is down deep inside. I like to believe that it just wasn’t God’s will for a baby right this instant. He knows what is best for us, and we have to trust in His bigger plan. I am constantly thinking of you, Bob, and LB…
You’re very brave to share this experience with us. My heart goes out to you.
Hugs & Blessings!
Ugh. Thinking of you.
I have to agree with Erin… these days we CAN know too much too soon. It’s maddening because the world is such a NOW NOW NOW place, but at times like this it would be so much better to have never known. This type of early loss happens so much more than people know, but that doesn’t take away the suckiness.
I guess what helped me was to remember that perhaps all that little “person” needed to complete their path in life was to be created. That being the case, YOU are the one that helped that little bit of energy complete its journey and now it is back in the bigger energy stream putting out positive vibes to everyone. I know that may sound silly, but at least it helped me feel a bit better about my own loss.
Hugging you in the virtual sense and sniffling in my tissue for your pain. BE GOOD TO YOURSELF!
Sorry, sorry, sorry. You’ll be in my thoughts and prayers.
I lost a baby, too, before my daughter was born. Christine describes so perfectly how I feel. You never forget, but you do heal. Take care of yourself. So sorry that you are going through this.
I’m sorry. That’s the only thing that I seemed to want to hear when I miscarried my first pregnancy.
Actually, I didn’t want to hear anything, I was so sad.
And everything passed (which is a sucky way to describe it, I agree) and there is another part to the horror story but that’s neither here nor there.
I’m sorry and I’m sad, and I don’t have any good advice at all. It sucks big time.
HUGS
There aren’t any words…
Our family has been there twice, each time equally heartbreaking and devastating. Call me flaky, but I still remember and honor our losses on their respective loss dates. In my heart they were a part of our family already, lost at 11 and 8 weeks. They were loved and wanted, so remembering them brings me comfort.
This sucks about as much as anything possibly can suck, and I am so sorry that you have to hurt like this.
When there is a loss just having someone acknowledge it helps. Blithely ignoring and talking about really light petty BS would infuriate me. You at least have to say you were sorry to learn about whatever happened before charging into any other topic. And Les, I am really truly sorry you are having to go through this. Jesus.
Oh Les, this SUCKS. I’m here to listen if you need an ear to vent to. Love you!
I don’t think there’s a right thing to say. Other than this sucks and I’m thinking of you guys with tears in my eyes.
Vent, cry, scream away as you need to.
And don’t let anyone make you feel bad for talking about it (which I found healing after a while - that I’m one of many who have had miscarriages), or for still grieving in the next months/years.
I would suggest not bottling it up though. My mom miscarried a boy at 5 months just before getting pregnant with me, and it’s taken years and years to get the smallest details out of her about it and she cries about it to this day - mostly because she wasn’t able to process it all like she needed to.
Also beware of your would-be due date. I was a complete wreck that week.
I am so very sorry, Les.
I don’t really have the right words either. My sister had a second trimester miscarriage a few years ago and all I could do was be there with her and for her and listen when she needed me to.
I’m here for you in any way you need me to be and you and your family are in my thoughts and prayers.
I am so sorry Les. No words, Just HUGS.
:( I’m so sorry. So *so* sorry. And clueless on what else to say other than…my God, I’m sorry. And I’m thinking of you.
Oh love, I am so sorry. My heart hurts to hear this. To be honest with you, when we lost our baby I didn?t like hearing ?I?m sorry? from most people. It would make me mad and want to scream at them that they didn?t know how it felt. It WAS good for me to hear it from people who had lost a baby though. To hear from someone, who had felt the same pain I was feeling, that it WILL one day be ok was like a life line to me. It was hearing encouragement from those who had been through this that helped keep me from totally losing it. That was just me and how I coped though.
You have such a wonderful group of blog friends who all love you and will be here for you to vent/unload to. I would personally also suggest a miscarriage support group, you can email me if you would like me to pass any of them that are online on to you to check out.
For now, just take it one day at a time. Mourn, because you need to mourn. And you will heal in time. It?s been a year and a half and I still think/mourn about our baby we lost at 4 months.
We all care about you and your sweet family and I?m sure we all will have you in our thoughts and prayers.
Praying for lots of love and unity for you, Bob, and LB right now.
The only thing that helped me through it was knowing that I wasn’t alone. Unfortunetly. But that I had the support of other women. And then I went on to have Joshua, so it does work out. but nothing ever takes the pain away completely.
So sorry for you.
I’m really sorry. :(
The only thing I can really say is that the reality of it is that ONLY THING THAT WILL HEAL YOUR SOUL IS TIME.
Also, it is very helpful in the grieving process (because that is what you will go through) to somehow remember this child (because that is what you are losing) with a memorial such as a rock garden, flower garden or planting a tree or plant. It helps to have something tangible to look at as a memorial.
Finally, get a book on miscarriage or grief it will help you immeasurably. A great one is CS Lewis “A Grief Observed”.
Perhaps you may not want this type of advice, but I have dealt with death a lot in my profession as a deaconess.
In my prayers,
The only thing I can really say is that the reality of it is that ONLY THING THAT WILL HEAL YOUR SOUL IS TIME.
Also, it is very helpful in the grieving process (because that is what you will go through) to somehow remember this child (because that is what you are losing) with a memorial such as a rock garden, flower garden or planting a tree or plant. It helps to have something tangible to look at as a memorial.
Finally, get a book on miscarriage or grief it will help you immeasurably. A great one is CS Lewis “A Grief Observed”.
Perhaps you may not want this type of advice, but I have dealt with death a lot in my profession as a deaconess.
In my prayers,
The only thing I can really say is that the reality of it is that ONLY THING THAT WILL HEAL YOUR SOUL IS TIME.
Also, it is very helpful in the grieving process (because that is what you will go through) to somehow remember this child (because that is what you are losing) with a memorial such as a rock garden, flower garden or planting a tree or plant. It helps to have something tangible to look at as a memorial.
Finally, get a book on miscarriage or grief it will help you immeasurably. A great one is CS Lewis “A Grief Observed”.
Perhaps you may not want this type of advice, but I have dealt with death a lot in my profession as a deaconess.
In my prayers,
I am so very sorry for your loss.
I’m so sorry for your loss.
***hugs***
What helped me when I was in your position were hugs…and having someone to listen to me when I wanted to talk about it.
{{{{Hugs}}}} and prayers
I just got home and I am sorry this message is so late.
Leslie I am hugging you right now amd I want you to know if there is anything I can do you can call me. Do you still have my phone number. If not I will email you.
I am sorry this is happening to you. I am praying that your pain goes away soon and you can heal. Do what you have to do to grieve and take care of you right now. Call on the people that love you and ask them to grieve with you.
If I could I’d be there in a minute and hold your hand.
Hugs to you and praying for you.
I’m so sorry. I wish I knew the right thing to say, but I don’t. :(
I don’t know what to say. I am so so sorry. I know how much you wanted this pregnancy/baby.
What I do know is that you have every right to feel this loss however the fuck you want to. I’ve always appreciated your honesty and will say that I expect no less of you now, when your heart might have a lot of hurt to share.
I’m sorry. The only thing that I can think of to say right now.
But were you here with me, I’d ask what you wanted to talk about. And then I’d listen. ‘Cuz sometimes the listening-it’s more important than the talking.
I hope that your body heals soon. And your heart.
I’m sorry. And I’m thinking about you.
Okay I am abotu to get so lame here and I am probably going to offer no comfort to you. But I think wee little LB jr. is up in heaven keeping my little JoJo (Gavi’s twin brother) company.
I agree that things happen for a reason. Maybe it just wasn’t the right time. It will happen Les, it will!
I love ya so much and if you ever need ANYTHING! And I mean ANYTHING! Just give me a ring aight? I am praying for you girl. Hang in there!!!
I’m sorry for your loss. I went through this last year and I know how sad it is to experience. In my case I take comfort in the thought that it was nature taking care of things the way it is supposed to. Sometimes a miscarriage happens because something is not right, like a chromosomal problem for example. Then I feel grateful that I was never faced with having to make the decision whether or not to terminate the pregnancy if such a problem existed—nature made the decision the way it was designed to. We’ve been trying again for a few months and just today I saw my OB/GYN for a check-up. He was so positive that there should be no trouble conceiving again. Factors include that I (like you) already have one daugther, and he said even though a miscarried pregnancy didn’t work out, it is still a positive in that conception was able to take place. Hope you can find solace in that time is a great healer and you definitely have a lot of friends here to lean on.
I am so sorry. Never certain what to say here either.
Shit. It’s not ok, but it’s going to be alright.
I heard it on Oprah.
Praying for you!
How sad. I am very sorry for you. I never know what to say, either, so I know I can’t make you feel better about it. Just know that we are thinking about you and are in our prayers. Hang in there.
“I’m sorry.” That’s all that helped me through my four early miscarriages. And I really am sorry. :(
The only thing that could have made me feel better was a magic wand that made it not true. I took some time to be pissed off at the world and then found ways to console my spirit. I think it was important to take some time to mourn this tiny soul in order to try again. My thoughts are with you and your family.
My heart is breaking for you. I wish that things could be different. I am sending good thoughts your way.
I am so sorry.
http://stephanieklein.blogs.com/greek_tragedy/2006/02/hope.html
I can tell you the worst things to hear: that this is just random, that next time will be fine, that there’s no point getting worked up about it. Those type of statements totally invalidate every feeling you must be having right now, and I hope you don’t have to hear any of them in real life. I hope your doc is sensitive and caring and that no medical staff asks you heartless questions. I hope you miscarry naturally with as little pain as possible.
I most appreciated it when people simply said, “Wow, that’s awful. I am so sorry.”
This is awful, and I am sorry. I will be stopping by to offer positive and gushy sentiments later, when you’ve had more time for emotional and physical recovery. But, right now, those sentiments just mock the whole horrible experience.
And please don’t feel pressured to post for our benefit. I am sure none of your readers want to read anything before/unless you are ready to share it.
My heart aches for you all. It is a diffucult when this happens. My first pregnancy ended in miscarriage and it devastated me. Keeping you in my thoughts and prayers.
I just caught up with all that has been going on here and my heart goes out to you and your family. I don’t know what else to say other than that. :(
I’m so sorry Leslie… hugs and prayers coming to you from me…
I just caught up with this post and last. I know you have 69 comments and may not even get to mine but if you do…
I’m sorry. My hearts breaks with yours.
When my husband died, that is all I needed or wanted to hear. I did’t want to hear how anyone “knew” or “understood” how I felt because NO ONE can understand your own personal tragedy. It is yours alone. But we can offer a shoulder to cry on. We can just BE PRESENT to listen. And I am and I do. Be well and know you are loved by many.
Damn, I just saw this today. I’m so sorry. Just know that you have a lot of people thinking about you.
This’ll be the 72nd hug you receive here, but it’s not the last one you’ll get, I’m sure. Support is everywhere. Where and when you need it, I hope you’ll find it.
-Mike
I’ve been reading for a little while, but have never commented. I was so excited for you, and am heartbroken to read this.
I’ve been exactly where you are right now. There are no words to make you feel better. The best things are hugs, I’m sorry’s, and shoulders to cry on. We are all here for just that.
Don’t be afraid to ask for help. The internet loves you.