Things I know

Things I know

09/Jul/2010

#Life

I have a laundry list of random bits I’ve believed because my parents told me so. Sometimes as an adult, I’ll start to say something, stop, and realize I’m uttering complete and total bullshit. Bullshit which I’ve heard a million times from my parents.

I probably need to see a counselor about such matters but instead, I will tell you.

I’ve posted about the day I realized my mother lied to me. We were on the airplane heading back to Houston after a visit to Portland, OR, and she sighed, “Oh, I forgot to replace the toilet paper in our bathroom.” I was about seven and looked up in her face, “Why? Can’t Daddy do it?” “He apparently doesn’t’ know how, sweetie.”

Seven year olds do not get sarcasm.

And so the minute we landed in Houston, pulled up in to our drive way, I ran inside to see if Dad did learn how to put the toilet paper back on. Apparently, he had. I announced how proud I was to him and my mother laughed saying, “I told her you didn’t know how.”

This was the day I learned I was sometimes being fed a complete line of shit.

Since then I’ve managed to accumulate a laundry list of things I believe because I was told. All complete utter shit. For example:

“If you eat burnt chips your cheeks will be rosy the next day.”

“If you eat the crust of your bread, your hair will be curly. Just ask Bama. See how curly her hair is? She always eats her crust.”

“Don’t touch the insects on the can of RAID or they will become real and crawl on you.” *(this one is utterly scarring)

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“When you see a car with one head-light you yell, ‘SPADOODLE’ and lick your finger, place it in your palm and stamp it. Then you can make a wish.”

“The toilet water goes the opposite direction in a flush in Australia.” (Seriously, I don’t even know if this is bullshit or not. I HAVE NOT BEEN THERE. Please to clarify for me.)

“If you find a penny that is heads up, put it in your shoe for good luck.”

“Breaking a mirror is seven years of bad luck.”

“If you knock the salt over, toss some over your shoulder.” (I actually witnessed a guy doing that in a restaurant about week ago. Got salt all over the person in the booth behind him. #brilliance

But one I’ve never heard? One I’m only just now learning as an adult? Bird Poop is good luck.

Did you know this? Being shit on my a bird is GOOD LUCK?

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I found out after posting on twitter my actual image of said exploitation.

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Seriously. And I thought the bullshit ended as a child, people. Either way, I did make a wish. Because I AM THAT GULLIBLE. And also in desperate need of wishes.

What else am I missing? Any other random bits of facts you live by without actual cause? Or is it just me. (Tell me it’s not just me)

Comments

  1. The thing about toilet water in Australia is true. It’s the Coriolis effect, I think? But gravity moves water in different ways in earth’s southern hemisphere. So it swirls down the drain in the opposite direction. I learned this in school, seriously. Money well spent, I’m telling you.

    The insect thing is terrifying, but I guess it’s an effective way to make sure your kids don’t touch the bug poison?

    By cindy w on 2010 07 09

  2. We were discouraged from actively pouting with the line:  If you keep your lip stuck out that way, a little birdie will come and poop on it.  (Fun fact:  If you are worried about bird poop on lips, you keep your lips pulled in which mimics a smile and inadvertantly alters your mood.)

    Of course, as an adult, I find so much comedic mileage in:  If you keep doing that, you’ll go blind.

    By CitricSugar on 2010 07 09

  3. Yeah, we got the bird pooping on your lip thing and don’t eat watermelon seeds or you’ll grow a melon out of your tummy.  Niiiice.  I do wish my 3 yr old got sarcasm…

    By Sheryl in WA on 2010 07 09

  4. How about…don’t make that face…your face could stick that way!  I laugh now, but have been known to tell my 5 year old the same thing!

    By Stefanie on 2010 07 09

  5. See? Do you see what happens when you lie to young children? Even if you tell them the truth like “Oh yea, it’s SCIENCE. The toilets and drains swirl the other direction.” They WILL NOT BELIEVE YOU.

    Yelling again. Sorry.

    By Mrs. Flinger on 2010 07 09

  6. The salt thing is because when you spill salt, the devil comes up behind you, so you throw salt over your shoulder to get him in the eye and blind him.

    And I’m pretty sure the Australia thing is true as well, unless you’re on a Simpsons’ episode, where the army installs a machine to make it swirl the American way.

    To this day, I’m holding on to the money coming if your palm is itchy, and the ringing in your ears means someone’s talking about you…

    By Laurie on 2010 07 09

  7. My five year old was bragging to the dr at his check-up that he always eats his crust because it’s healthy.  She enlightened him and looked at me pointedly.  I SWEAR I never said that.  I think he’s mixing it up with my reason for making him eat the apple peel.

    By Heather on 2010 07 09

  8. My parents used to tell my sister and I that the ice cream truck was just the “music man”.  I was probably 7 or 8 when I realized that he did more than just drive around the neighborhood playing music for us to enjoy.

    By Sally on 2010 07 09

  9. HA! Sally, that reminds me, my mom told us Koolaid only had THREE TABLESPOONS of sugar for an entire batch. I never knew why everyone else’s stuff was so sweet. They used the recipe 1cup.

    By Mrs. Flinger on 2010 07 09

  10. I’d love to hear what you think of all the pregnancy-getting pregnant, and sex prediction- tricks and myths! lol I personally don’t tell my kids little lies to keep them safe… I tell them the dark truth, and then answer the following 50 questions. smile

    By Tess on 2010 07 10

  11. Tessa, I know FOR A FACT that babies come from moving houses. And that my mom is a virgin.

    (I always get pregnant about two months or less after we purchase a new house. This is in no way correlated with any traditional methods. Thus, I know: Moving gets people knocked up.)

    (Or a stork)

    By Mrs. Flinger on 2010 07 10

  12. OK, my turn here.
    Your Bamma was the one who taught you SADOODLE and the bug on the raid can came about when we were at her house. She didn’t want you touching the can. Honestly though, the SADOODLE thing just confused me every time the two of you did that in the car; trying to see who could spot a headlight out first.

    I watched Rachel Ray this past week and she throws salt over her shoulder EVERY TIME she USES salt. No matter, she has a cleaning crew.

    On another note: we used six (6) tablespoons of sugar to make our Kool-aid as I did not see the need to drink that much sugar just as you & your sister were raised on fresh fruits and vegetables from the farmers market and no desserts or sweets during the week either. The bonus: no cavities as a child.

    Let us not forget however one more: you throw pennies in a water fountain and make a wish. I have pictures of L. doing that last summer. Let the tradition continue. LOL

    By Oma Flinger on 2010 07 10

  13. My mom used to mix powdered milk, put it in a real milk carton, and the lie about it being “real milk”! Then insisted that if I just let it get cold enough, it would taste ok!

    By Carol Bryner on 2010 07 11

  14. I am the most bird poo’ed on person in the history of people and I can tell you, without hesitation, BIRD POOP IS NOT GOOD LUCK.  You’ll have to trust me on this one.

    By Susan @ Sassafrassery on 2010 07 12