Politically, I’m am a sichzophrenic. I’m a conservative hippy. And no, I’m not talking about before coffee versus after coffee, I’m actually meaning, I’m a “get off your ass you lazy eff but buy organic” girl. I know, I annoy myself at times. This is why I don’t blog about politics. I’d have my own blog war, with myself, and argue until I was blue in the face. With myself. And so, the topic stays in my car radio where the station is turned to talk and I can go off, alone, all I want to.
But in light of the events this week, I’m realizing something. I realize I believe something now. I used to say “I really don’t know where I stand on [whatever] issue.” This issue? I now know exactly where I stand.< disclaimer > And now I say, for the record, please please let’s not get into the debate because I honestly don’t mean to push what *I* think on *you*, I’m just saying, after my own personal experience, I know where *I* stand. You, having your own personal experiences, have your own stand. It may or may not be the same as mine. It’s just that this is where I am now. ...
< / disclaimer >
You know, I have to agree with you. My mother in law is wonderful, and calls me a mom already. She gets me a present and card on Mother’s Day, because she feels that 1) I carried a child, however short 2) I WANT to be a mother and 3) I love a child we are only trying to conceive at the moment. Maybe those who haven’t had a single child are different “kind of mom”, but they are moms none the less.
So, even if your doc says a test was negative, go ahead and mourn, for something that you loved and wanted. Childless couples mourn what can’t be, why can’t others? (That prob should have been posted more on your update, but I’m lazy )
By jessie on 2006 04 19
Oh girl, I hear you. I could never end a pregnancy… not in a million trillion years,especially not after having had a child and then lost a pregnancy (however early it was). My husband’s libertarian influence on my politics has changed my mind about whether or not we should allow OTHERS to do so if that is their choice, but nevertheless, *I* could never do it and I’d never encourage or help anyone ELSE go through with it.
By Erin on 2006 04 19
All I ask in these situations is that my opinions be as respected as others And I treat people the way I want to be treated. I would never push my pro-choice views on you. Would never say your feelings over loosing a child, or zygote or whatever it is to you, are not valid or import. I like that not everyone is a carbon copy of the next in regards to views and opinions. I don’t know if I could personally ever end a pregnancy, though I was fully ready to if either of my pregnancies showed any signs of bad birth defects.
By Sarah on 2006 04 19
Thanks for sharing. I’m in the limbo-waiting place between a + preg test and truly seeing a tiny beating heart on the ultrasound. But to me, it’s a child and I’m the mom.
Through a friend’s struggle with ending a pregnancy that had miserable health/quality of life outcomes for the child, I learned that this issue is not as black and white as I used to think. She now has a healthy little boy and will always remember this first child as one of hers as well.
By Amy on 2006 04 19
Yea, Amy and Sarah, see.. those situations where there is more to it then just a healthy baby and mommy, well, there’s just nothing I can say since it’s not my situation. I think that’s my point, ya know? I’ve not been there, and hopefully never would have to, so I can’t even begin to say what I’d do in that situation.
Amy, I’ll be praying for your bean, beating heart and all.
By Mrs. Flinger on 2006 04 19
Sorry, I think I read the blog wrong
, for some reason it didn’t click what it was about. To make that choice is such a hard decision, and my heart aches for those who have to make that choice. Every one has to make their own decision, and I’ve had 4 friends who 1) had a ectopic pregnancy 2) was a victim and couldn’t handle it 3) the fetus had severe defects 4) just wasn’t wanting to have a baby. It was a choice they made based on very different things, and was hard on each of them, no matter what the cause. I was with all of them, and supported them no matter what my own thoughts were on it. Sorry, I guess I didn’t catch on when I read that and posted :-( Sorry if I said something that seemed biased, I think I misunderstood the post or something. Maybe I need to go back to caffine.
By jessie on 2006 04 19
I think after a woman has had a child, whether she carried it to full term or not, her opinion changes on when life begins.
By dizzymizzy on 2006 04 19
Ah! I have totally wrestled with this one since having my own kidlets.
I would certainly hope that abortion is the last choice for any woman. I am totally pro-life but still don’t want to see abortion made illegal. After seeing too many “bad made for TV Lifetime movies and after school specials in which “Jenny” is too afraid about having a baby so she goes for a back-alley abortion and dies as a result” I want there to be a safe place available for women to go.
By ^starshine on 2006 04 19
I know I loved Claire before Claire was a Claire (or a Reed - which was our boy name). I posted once, when I was especially down, about knowing there was more to my life, my family, than I currently had. I was a mom to my second child at that moment because I wanted a second child.
An extremely good friend of mine tried for years to have a baby. She and her husband were finally able to adopt a newborn baby girl in February, but they were already parents in their hearts long ago - when they decided they wanted to have a child together.
This is a devistating thing to wrap your mind around, but you seem to have your ideals in order. BIG hugs to you Les.
By Charla on 2006 04 19
The whole birth/life/zygote issue is so personal, and can be argued so vehemently on so many levels. Eh. I’m on your bandwagon, so on this issue at least I’ll consider myself a conservative hippie, as well. :D
By Daph on 2006 04 19
I feel you are a mother before you even become pregnant. If that is what is meant for your life, You’re a MOM! I have loved children that I will never have, because our “discussion” has finally ended…no more children for the Little Miss family (three is enough). And I am sad. I miss those children we will not have.
I agree with you 100%.
By Little Miss on 2006 04 19
Conservative hippies should try waxing over shaving…it lasts longer. That’s all I’m sayin.
you know I’m with you, right?! I don’t even need to say anything.
By texasbelle on 2006 04 20
ROFL @ Anne. Oh my, that rocks! I agree with you completely, Les. Except for the taxes part. I could do without that. Or, at least a WHOLE lot less than we pay right now!
By tjsmommy on 2006 04 20
I’m with dizzymizzy. Once you have had a baby you realize that you loved your unborn child when they were just a glimmer of hope deep down in your soul.
By Jamie on 2006 04 20
I’ve been thinking about your post for quite some time. I completely agree with you that you were are a mother to that zygote child. I think this is a crucial understanding for any woman to have. That what you mourn is is the hope, the child that could have been yours to cuddle and is now your child in a very different form. It is why women who are hoping so fervently for a baby mourn at the end (or begining) of their cycles even when there was never a blastocyst, zygote, or oocyte and have just as much right to mourn as a woman who was further into her pregnancy. There was the hope of a baby whom you loved. At the same time, I’m not sure that this really would make you someone whom I would categorize as “pro-life” (unless, of course, you want to be). Pro-life and pro-choice, at it’s heart, isn’t really divided by when people believe life begins, the dividing line is more about how your belief effects what you feel you can tell others to do. And, it seems to me that you have a very liberal concept in regards to others- you leave it in the hands of the individual to decide when she is a mother and you haven’t made any comment as to what that mother should do to provide the best sitation for her baby. This, to me, does not indicate pro-life or pro-choice, simply that you have found a lovely moment of wisdom within your pain.
By Becky on 2006 04 22
Ha ha ha ! “Don’t label me a Bushie. I shave down there. “
..and good point too.
By sarahgrace on 2006 04 22
So so funny les. Bushie! I’ve gotta use that one. I struggle with politics. I don’t “fit”. I could be considered “pro-life’ but I don’t think we should make abortion illegal. I don’t believe in so called “open marriages” but I’m all for gay marriage. I don’t think english-learners should be mixed in with the kids who already speak english, in school.(we are already tasting this bad boy of a dilemma in our own lives) but I don’t think we should criminalize immigrants. I spank my children AND use time out.
But when it comes to politics, it’s all black and white. Either-or. No in between. I think that’s why so much of the country, the “real people” feel left behind.
By candice on 2006 05 05