Today I found a lump

Sep 28, 2008

#Life#Leisure Olympics#Hypochondria

About a month ago I found a little mass on my right leg right next to my girlie bits. I thought maybe it was an ingrown hair. It was small. Harmless. And right Down There where I’m never going to see it, and let’s face it, probably nobody else would, either.

A few weeks ago it had grown and I thought maybe it was a boil? Or a zit? Or something very very unattractive down there between my right leg and my girlie bits.

Today I realized it’s grown in to a large, hard mass. A large mass right there on my leg by my girlie bits.

You know me, right? The hypochondriac dramatic freak who was pretty sure she was giving birth to a three headed baby because she ate (GASP) SOFT CHEESE. She, who also was completely convinced the baby would be born blind because she had to take three rounds of anti-biotics during pregnancy and she who was convinced her child was going to die from a three day fever.

You’d also be happy to know I’ve gone on a drama diet. That’s right. Less Drama! More Life! It’s been very lovely, somewhat boring, very mediocre and tame few months. Dare I say Quiet? Not in the “I have nothing to do” but in the “Bygod the world is not collapsing right this minute.” I’ve even maintained this throughout the economy crash and the presidential debates, although it’s been somewhat difficult at times.

So here I am not using google to diagnose myself. BEHOLD the strength of Not Googling. Be impressed. Oohhh you are impressed (I can tell).

I know it’s no big deal. It’s not. I know. My best friend had a cyst removed from her arm just last week. It’s no big deal. Nope. It’s not.

But I’m still a little scared. Mostly because if I don’t get this taken care of sooner than later, I’m afraid of what I’ll find in another few weeks the next time I look Down There. I can see it now: The Mass That Grew In To What Looks A Lot Like One Testicle! Come One! Come All! The Girlie Freak With The One Ball!

Then try to convince my husband to have sex with me.

I don’t think there’s enough alcohol in the world for that one.


Photo taken by Michelle during the Leisure Olympics

**Oh, what’s that? You want picture evidence from the Leisure Olympics? Fine. Fine. Yes. I’ll post them. Twist my arm.
***Are you sure? It’s just a bunch of pictures of my friends and I drunk and in awkward poses attempting sports in our early to mid thirties.
***You’re right. It’s hilarious.


  1. OK first comment, little ole ME? Wheeeee!

    You are cracking me up with the freak show testicle talk, but really…go get it checked out!!!

    By Jamie on 2008 09 28

  2. I actually just had the same thing happen. Since I am also very pregnant, I couldn’t wimp out on the doctor visit. Mine was an infected boil. I don’t know how it happened, since I can’t really see the area and all, but now I’ve been on antibiotics for a week and it’s almost all gone. So don’t freak out, but do get some drugs.

    By Jerseygirl89 on 2008 09 28

  3. Yeah, don’t freak out.  Be safe and get it checked out, but it’s most likely a boil or cyst. 

    Keep us posted, k?

    By Leann I Am on 2008 09 28

  4. I can pretty much guarantee you it’s nothing to worry about… it’s either a cyst (most likely) or the bubonic plague (highly unlikely).  It’s very unlikely to be cancer because it grew pretty fast, but not too fast.  If it hurts, or it’s hot, then it’s probably an infection, and it should be taken care of as soon as possible.  If they give you antibiotics, make sure you take the whole prescription, in case it’s MRSA. 

    This is what happens when you watch too many episodes of House.  Hope you’re well.  Take care of yourself.

    By jen on 2008 09 28

  5. Good that you’re not googling and freaking out, but… you *are* going the doctor, yes?

    By syd on 2008 09 28

  6. I, too, am sure that everything will be fine!

    By Jen on 2008 09 28

  7. Please get that checked right away. 

    That is if you haven’t tried to pop it yet.

    It will be fine I know and if it is a testicle—well girl we’re taking that show on the road.

    PS—why doesn’t your blog ever remember my info—even when I check the box?

    By MammaLoves on 2008 09 28

  8. Please get your ‘testicle’ ‘legsicle’ checked right away.

    BTW, can I just tell you how much I loves this place and all you did, it’s fabulous. That is all.

    love. me.

    By rachel on 2008 09 28

  9. Leslie, this is something my husband fights on a regular basis.  Just this summer he had one removed.  It was a boil.  They grow pretty fast over a couple of weeks.  He said his hurt and it was warm to the touch.  Having it lanced/removed was not fun but it’s not bad.  If that is what it is, its basically a staff infection.  See a doctor as soon as you can and find out for sure what it is.  If it is a boil it will just keep coming back. 

    If it’s not a boil its probably a cyst.  Don’t worry—I know easier said than done. Just get yourself to the doc.

    By Ammie aka Sleeping Mommy on 2008 09 28

  10. I had a weird syst on my stomach recently but it just went away.  Better safe than sorry, so head off to the doc… hopefully it’s nothing.  Or a testicle, because really?  That would be the talk of the blogosphere wouldn’t it?

    By Rachael on 2008 09 28

  11. Yes, you do need to get it checked out ASAP. I’m sure it’s nothing, but that is where a lymph gland is located and it could be some problem with that. Keep us updated.

    By Mrs. Who on 2008 09 29

  12. Don’t ignore it and hope it goes away.  Get it checked out.  Probably nothing, but it’s better to get it looked at and told so, then to worry. 
    Let us know what the Dr. says.

    By Laura on 2008 09 29

  13. Yes, indeed.  I had to comment on this one BECAUSE my best friend from childhood had this VERY SAME THING.  She called it her goiter.  Over time, that puppy grew, bigger and bigger until she was, FOR SURE, not having sex with anyone.  I can remember sitting in her family’s house, her mother’s head between her legs, saying, “Erin, this is HUGE.”  Hilarious!  When it was removed, it had (in her words) “tentacles.”  Whenever I tell that story, everyone in the room throws up in their mouths.  But what a story!  It was totally benign—-and it’s gone now, probably in a jar of formaldehyde for research purposes grin

    By Ashley on 2008 09 29

  14. hahahaha! You’re growing a testicle. That sucks! Testicles are gross.

    I’m sure you’re going to be fine! The good news? Maybe when they remove it they’ll save you some time and do the landscaping for you! wink

    By sam {temptingmama} on 2008 09 29

  15. Okok, I’ll call the doc. And I’m convinced it’s nothing but Ashley, your story of the tentacle? Pretty much guratnees that I will go running to my doctor screaming, “TAKE IT OUT TAKE IT OUT”. Oh. My. God.

    By Mrs. Flinger on 2008 09 29

  16. OMG. Guarantee. Hai.

    By Mrs. Flinger on 2008 09 29

  17. Yeah, I’d get it checked out, just to be safe. Chances are it’s a boil or a cyst. Does it hurt? My cyst didn’t hurt unless I played with it too much. Now that I have a 2” incision on my arm instead of the cyst, it hurts a lot more!  I should have just left the damn thing there. smile

    I hope it’s something that will just go away on it’s own. That’s not an area I’d like to get stitches!

    By Paige on 2008 09 29

  18. I found a little lump underneath my airpit. Could it be a hair follicle? ASk doctor and yes don’t GOOGLE! PS I LOVE YOUR BANNER!!!

    By mrs mogul on 2008 09 29

  19. You will be fine, but definitely take care of it if you ever want the big O again.

    Yes, I want to see photos.

    By MariaV on 2008 09 29

  20. I hope it is nothing!

    By Dr. Grumbles on 2008 09 29