Waiting for the Internet Birth

Mar 24, 2010

#Life#Getting to know me#Rants and Raves

Hey, remember that time I was all, “OMG WE GOT A HOUSE AND WE GET TO MOVE!”

Fuck that. Moving is hard, yo!

It’s not just the new-ness of the place, or the old-ness of someone else’s dirt, it’s the alone-ness, the “what are we doing-ness” of our lives.

Disrupting the routine is no good, people. NO GOOD AT ALL.

But not having internet? That’s death.

Monday was our scheduled day. “Your rep will be there between 8AM and 5PM Monday, March 22.”

Awesome. I can totally unpack and not have internet for two days in our new house right?

So I unpacked and I paced. I glanced out the window every few minutes. I kept the music low so I could hear the door.

I waited.

It started to feel really familiar. Akin, if you will, to those last few weeks before I gave birth to my daughter. The “Due Date” was really a range of time. “Any day now” lasted weeks. I walked, I paced, I was uncomfortable, a little lost, stuck in anticipation, unsure. I re-lived those moments as I waited for the Verizon guy. And waited. And waited.

I called my husband and begged for him to do something. Not unlike the phone call at 38 weeks pregnant yelling, “JUST GET HER OUT. GIVE ME AN ORGASM. THEY SAY IT WORKS OHMYGOD JUST DO IT.”

I slowly gave up as the afternoon passed. I knew it wasn’t happening that day. I felt lost and betrayed and alone. I was sure it would be monday. Monday I would have my Internet Baby.

This is the point of the story where you tell me, “Did you just seriously compare waiting for the Verizon dude to having a baby?”

YES. YES I DID. This is how effed up I am in my world without internet people. I HAVE NO PERSPECTIVE.

So if posting here is a bit raw for a while, know it’s because I’m probably typing on my iPhone screen using auto-correct and yelling, “No! I didn’t mean to type stinks, I mean pink! DAMNIT!” And “Ate you going to the car?” translates in to “Are you going to the park?” And so forth.

And in the mean time, I’ll scouring the house for a 3 inch elephant because SOMEBODY will not be able to go on living without it. SOB DRAMA SOB.

See? We’re all sorts of non-perspective in our new, awesome, amazing house right now. Even if it is all those things.


  1. When the dust settles, you are going to be embraced in a fresh new chapter of your beautiful, beautiful life.

    By amanda on 2010 03 24

  2. I stood there this morning looking at the back yard and picturing my daughter getting married in the gazebo at the top.

    And then I cried a little because I can’t find the toilet paper.

    By Mrs. Flinger on 2010 03 24

  3. It amazes me that there are people who think of high-speed internet hookup as a luxury, rather than a utility (meaning, they don’t have to actually show up to install).  I usually make about 5,000 calls to the company asking if they’re almost there yet.  (I have to suffer, why not them?)

    Moving is enough of a stress by myself.  Can’t imagine it with kids and stuff.  That’s why we’re not moving again until we retire smile

    By TexasRed on 2010 03 24

  4. I love you!  Thanks for keepin’ it real. I love seeing I’m not the only one struggling to maintain sanity & dignity in my days. Others may be learning great lessons every day. Me, I’m just trying to not lose my shit on a regular basis!

    By Dona on 2010 03 24

  5. One of the main selling points for the apartment I am currently in was the fact that it came with free high-speed internet. Before, I was stuck using primitive means of getting internet. Most often, that meant I would go to this local 24 hour coffee shop which had *terrible* coffee, but free internet. I was in school, and all of my chemistry assignments were online so hey, I was desperate.

    I couldn’t live without internet.

    By Allie on 2010 03 25

  6. How would you describe yourself as a child? Were you happy?

    By Gerald on 2010 04 03