When God Speaks

When God Speaks

26/Feb/2007

#Life#Social Clutz Loveable Spaz

Or rather,  when the Blog Gods slay you. I’ve talked before about why I’m glad God is not a blogger. I’m going to assume God is out there doing more useful things instead of ignoring her/his children and putting in Elmo for the tenth time that day. I’d like to pretend God does not tune me out when his/her website goes wonky or when there is a deadline for work. I’d like to think God never drops me off at day care or leaves me to nap on cots three inches off the floor while she/he grabs a latte.

But sometimes that God is a hardass. Sometimes when she says, “Thou shalt not blog” and one particular person goes, “Oh yea? You wanna watch?” like the inner-two-year-old she is, God will lay-ith the smackdown on the site.  God and my website have been in the ring for a week now duking it out. I’m really not sure who’s winning. I will say, though, my website is taking a few hits pretty hard. She’s a site for sore eyes, I tell ya.

About a month ago, I crawled in to bed and asked Mr. Flinger how long I expected to keep up this website. How long did I think people would want to read about our pathetic sex life or my musings of motherhood.  I asked him what I will do when we have this other baby. I pestered him to tell me to stop. I wanted him to tell me I’m a much better person when I’m not blogging. That blogging is interfering with our lives and I really need to cut it out. He didn’t. Instead he told me to post about our sex life as much and as often as I wanted to. “You laugh more when you blog,” he replied. “Personally I don’t need our family reading about my sex life but on the other hand, you seem to need to write and that’s on your mind so write about it. Laugh about it. Don’t stop.”

I was shocked.

All these years I forced him to read an entry here or there. “Read this,” I’ll say. It’s a theme in our house; me posting about him and then asking him to read it.  He’ll laugh, because he gets me, turn away and say, “That’s a good one.” Either he’s being extremely insincere or he really doesn’t care that I write about us. “US” as a topic, which so many of you can relate to. “US” as parent. “US” as individuals lost in our own goo of parenting and work. Somewhere in there, blogging helped me remember we are “US”.

Then shit went down and I started to write a list of reasons I thought the Universe was yelling at me to stop. I actually started a list. I’m really that anal. I’d scan it for you but really, it’s a lot of BLAHBLAHBLAH All- Those- Things- Each- Of- You- Ask- Yourselves- Every- Effing- Night- Before- You- Hit- Post. I just never think before I hit post and I started to think one day and couldn’t turn it off.  Then there was the near death experience. The realization that moments after almost getting swiped to the Netherlands I think, “Oh, I’ll have to blog about that…” There was the pathetic realization that I am blessed beyond the computer, beyond a metaphor for real life. I was actually blessed. In. Real. Life.

And I tossed and turned and still have no answer. But the longer my site and God rack it out in the ring with slow-loading-pages and DNS issues, the more I’m feeling it’s a sign.

And I thought I didn’t believe in signs.

Comments

  1. If you leave, we will miss you.

    By Margaret on 2007 02 26

  2. I can empathize with every word—

    to blog or not to blog?  that is the question I face all the time.  Yet like you, I find myself living my life one post at a time…

    sitting in the grocery store, looking at the rows of canned beans…wondering just how many different brands of beans are needed in this world?  and thinking about all the jobs that would be lost if you cut out just one brand…then catch yourself in la-la land and think “I am so blogging this”—

    my philosophy? blog when you want to blog, take a break when you want to take a break.  Your blog is not a responsibility (you have too many already)—

    By Little Miss on 2007 02 26

  3. I’d miss you if you quit too, but I know what you’re talking about. Sometimes I just need a break—not only from blogging myself but from reading so many other blogs. It can feel like I’m only living in front of this damn screen when there’s a whole other world out there. I’m trying to find moderation. I know I need both the blogging and the real world to be happy.

    By Colleen on 2007 02 26

  4. From reading your posts, I think that blogging is important to your happiness.  You need a place to vent and let it all hang out.  I suspect that part of the way you process things is to write.  Since you are technologically inclined, that leads to using the computer instead of pen and paper.  Since you are also social but shy, blogging is ideal.  I guess the question I would have is if you stopped posting, would you still want to write stuff out anyway- maybe in word or an email or in a diary and would that be as satisfying.  in addition, perhaps God is just telling you to go easy on the graphics… grin

    Anyway, I would miss you and Charlie will someday nap and I will need something to read when that happens and it’s all about me, right?

    By Becky on 2007 02 26

  5. Thanks for getting what I mean, y’all. I’m not here so y’all can talk me in to blogging because we all know I won’t stop. It’s just that I don’t know when one does decide to stop and how much does it take to get slapped in to not publishing the details of your life on the Internet, yaknow what I mean?

    Anyway, thanks for “getting it.” You’re right, just the fact that it is a decision to make seems weird. Because who would’ve thought it was a decision at all?

    By Mrs. Flinger on 2007 02 26

  6. Um, just wanted to add that I would miss you & your levity & your thoughts.  I think people like you & you encourage us because you’re real & your struggles are real, and like us you’re just trying to be the best wife, mother, friend, person you can be.  You’re just funnier (like most of us wish we could be).

    By Christy L Wood on 2007 02 26

  7. You could always take my route and blog here and there and jsust stalk everyone. Seriously I would miss you and Ry would miss her LB Podcasts (she luvs ‘em). I mean I feel kinda cool to say “Yeah My friend Mrs. Flinger who lives in Seattle”. Yes I am a dork! And what about our plan to blog together when our girls a 13 together huh? Who else will I run to who is having the same issues as me?????

    By Nicole on 2007 02 26

  8. LOL, Nicole, see? This is what I’m saying. Will I be blogging when she’s 13? Probably not. Maybe I used to say I would but really? Probably not.

    You can just call me and bitch, ‘k? wink

    By Mrs. Flinger on 2007 02 26

  9. Yeah, you’re not allowed to quit.  I mean I know you may think you need to quit but I think not.  In fact, I wouldn’t know what to do if you stopped.  And I am what’s most important, no?

    By Whitney on 2007 02 26

  10. I would miss you, since this is the only way I know you! wink  But I know what you mean….  And can I just say that Mr. Flinger is completely & totally cool?? My husband does not like my blog. He’s a very private person. So I’m somewhat limited in what I’ll put “out there.” For me though, I like the connection. Especially as a work-at-home Mom. I like knowing that I’m not alone, and I like to laugh, and I like to write… blah, blah, blah.

    Blog when the mood strikes you… take breaks when you need to!

    By Marie on 2007 02 27

  11. This seems to come up for every blogger at one point.  And none of us can tell you why you should or shouldn’t blog, it’s just too personal.  I can tell you that blogging gives those near death experiences a purpose: fodder for my blog.  When I was growing up, after something bad or scary happened my dad would clap his hands and say, “AWESOME, now we have a new story to share!” and we would tell each other the story, elaborating when needed and adding absolutely impossible details when the fear crept in… in this way I would process what happened and be OK with it.  Telling stories is therapy for me and it keeps me sane.  So for now, I keep blogging. 

    And I just found you.  Don’t want to loose you.  But understand if it happens.

    By Elaine on 2007 02 27

  12. you can’t be deciding to leave us….you just can’t!!

    By Mrs. M on 2007 02 27

  13. Great post.  This is why I nominated you for that blog award. 

    You know I’ve wondered how long I will write mine too, and I finally stopped even considering that I might be writing for my readers and remembered that it was for me—because my blog has made me a better more balanced person.  So who cares what the signs are.  Just write as long as YOU feel the need or want to. That’s all that matters girl!

    By sleeping mommy on 2007 02 27

  14. That’s one smart man…I say keep him…er…the blog   (too.)

    By sarahgrace on 2007 02 27

  15. I enjoyed your posts because you’re obviously intelligent and articulate. Nice job. My vote? Keep blogging.

    By Linda Crow on 2007 03 02