Why I’m glad God doesn’t blog

Sep 19, 2006

#Depth and Faith

There are all kinds of analogies of a “greater force” or a “Universal Mom” or “Father Time” or “God”. So whatever is your belief, there’s some type of parent figure, some mystical Mom, out there watching out for you and caring what happens. Right?

Not if she’s a blogger.

I realized today as my child climbed on top of me whilst I hurriedly IMed and tried to post a few things, how thankful I am that God is not a blogger. Can you picture it? You’re up in your crib yelling, “Mommy! I AM AWAKE!” and she’s downstairs finishing up an email hurriedly trying to grab some kix and milk so you’ll be quiet for another few minutes while she reads just ONE MORE SITE. Or how she’ll log on to take a peek at her email because what if *gasp* someone needed a response? Like NOW?! And what if she was offline for an hour and didn’t know it?

And come on, you know God would have a pretty damn lot o’ emails in the Inbox. I send several a day myself. And that’s one person out of billions.

So, I think it’s best God stays old fashioned and gets offline. There are plenty of other things to do besides get carpal tunnel typing back replies to all the people wanting stuff and “have mercy on my soul” crap. Plus, can you imagine God’s blog? WHEEWWYYY! Talk about no time to read all of it… Oh, but wait you’re God. Right. Does she skim? Or comment?

Dear Mrs. Flinger,

Found you on another site and had to say hi. I hope you come visit my blog sometime. I think you’ll like it. You are very funny. But you talk about sex too much.

Love, God.


  1. Hey, God created SEX for procreation/human enjoyment!  If God had a myspace profile, I’d wanna be on the friends list!

    By AmyM on 2006 09 19

  2. I wonder what kind of layout God would have?  If sure wouldn’t be on Blogger, I know that!

    By Ficklechick on 2006 09 19

  3. Rofl.  Just remember, Ben Franklin says “beer is proof that God loves us and wants us to be happy.”  So maybe she does blog smile

    By sue on 2006 09 19

  4. “I’m in God’s top eight.”


    Jesus is a Mac User, and of course God’s blog is powered by ExpressionEngine!

    By Laura on 2006 09 19

  5. If God was a blogger I probably wouldn’t be on his blogroll.

    How sad.

    By Jenny on 2006 09 20

  6. You are so talented!!!! I heart you Mrs.Flinger.LOL

    By Amanda on 2006 09 20

  7. Jenny, I can’t say that I would be, either.

    And DUH, God uses EE! I mean.  OBVIOUSLY.

    By Mrs. Flinger on 2006 09 20

  8. Did you see Bruce Almighty?  He uses email in that and gets a zillion or whatever emails… It’s been too long since I have seen it to remember it exactly.

    By Holly on 2006 09 20

  9. OK, this was really funny.

    God had some billboards in Dallas. You know, stuff like “We Need To Talk”. Not sure if it was really God or not.

    I always liked the bumpersticker that said: “Jesus is Coming…Look Busy”

    By JC on 2006 09 22