You mean I can get a poke any time I wanna?

Dec 21, 2005

#Social Clutz Loveable Spaz#got pee sticks?

No, it’s not the latest porn movie hitting the Internet, it’s what my Doc said after I admitted to peeing away hundreds of dollars in pregnancy sticks.  After last week’s episode, she demanded I take a blood pregnancy test because, let’s face it, I was whacked and a week late. Also, regardless of how many fake positive or real negative tests I take, I still believe I’m pregnant. Hell, I can be bleeding like a stuck pig and think I’m pregnant. Trust me. Or don’t. Read it for yourself.

Anyway, so she calls with the results telling me, upon my answering the phone, “The answer is no.” [silence] Me, “Hmm. MmmK.” She asks if this is sad news. I think about it. “No,” I say hesitating, “no, not really. I mean we’re not TRYING. Of course, we’re not NOT trying, either, so….” She tells me the details of how pregnancy tests work, very medically and not at all like the images of dancing naked in the woods at night or singing to venus or anything that I’ve done recently to make a test positive (you know, everything short of actually HAVING sex to get pregnant).  She says, of course, I can still get pregnant next month, if I want to, and if I ever believe I’m pregnant for more than a few days to call her and she’ll order a blood pregnancy test.

She has no idea who she’s talking to. Poor lady.


  1. I became a regular pee-stickaholic, too…and I can verify that the $1 tests from Dollar Tree work.  They even worked 2 days before I was supposed to start, but were VERY, VERY faint.

    I had previously taken sooo many negative tests that I honestly didn’t believe it when I finally got a positive one in June.  In fact, after 10 positives I still called the nurse to tell her I was doubtful.  She laughed at me and told me I could come in for a blood test, but she felt really safe to say I was pregnant.  I went and had blood drawn anyway (twice), and the rest is history. 
    What I’ve taken a really long way to say is that most of us have the same problem with pee-sticks (in varing degrees).  It can really zap your self-esteem to continually be let down - even if you weren’t exactly looking for a positive. Don’t be so hard on yourself or think you are not normal.  Because if you aren’t normal, then what the hell am I???

    By Charla on 2005 12 21

  2. What’s this about you thinking dancing naked in the woods at night will get you pregnant?  I learn something new about you everyday!  wink  But seriously, I hope that getting blood drawn every now and then helps to ease your mind a little!

    By Paige (CoraBelle) on 2005 12 21

  3. Charla, it’s so nice to know those dollar ones work. Now I’ll totally be stocking up. wink Shhhh, Mr. Flinger doesn’t need to know.  And you’re so right with the emotional piece. Even if you weren’t thinking it would be, it’s always so hard to see you’re right.

    Karyn, she didn’t really say, but I started two days later so my own “Dr. Self” thinks it was the stress of Oma visiting, finishing final grades, etc. So, hey! Let’s see how long it takes for me to think I’m pregers next month. Even if we don’t DO anything.

    Paige, didn’t you know?

    Mari, shhh, I totally would do that, ya know. Although, I can now pee on a DOLLAR stick, so I’m good with that.

    By Mrs. Flinger on 2005 12 21

  4. LOL Leslie. You crack me up. wink I’m glad your doctor was able to ease your mind (or disappoint the heck of of you!) If you need some vicarious pee stick drama, I’ll be doing that in about 6 days or so. Stay tuned. wink

    By Erin on 2005 12 21

  5. Stress???  Why in the world would you be under stress at this time of the year? :o)

    By Charla on 2005 12 21

  6. You have made a habit to throw out the previously used ones now right? ya know just in case you decide to pee on a negative one.

    Great for the Doc to give you that option. I think every monday would be good (MARI! HAHA). We could have Hormonal Monday just for kicks!

    By Nicole on 2005 12 21

  7. I am with Nicole and Mari’s ideas, Pee Stick Mondays.  It is good to know that your doc is willing to have you come in and be tested.  Shall I still take stock in Dollar Tree Or Costco?

    Do keep us informed Erin!

    By traci on 2005 12 21

  8. Gah! I just wrote something about the dollar store.  One word: P-U

    Maybe they can arrange an express drive-thru bloodtest window for you?

    By Marie on 2005 12 22

  9. If I got poked everytime I peed on a stick. My arms would be so bruised people would think I was bangin’ dope!

    By kelli on 2005 12 22

  10. LMFAO!  I always think I’m knocked up.  Even when I haven’t had sex in two months.  Actually, that hasn’t ever happened, but you get the idea.


    I need insurance, then I can get a doctor and stop buying the fucking tests.  Oh, they are uber cheap (and pretty decent) at the dollar store of all places!  (People who are obsessive about this kinda stuff gotta know their options, know what I’m saying?)  And online.  *cough*

    By Melanie on 2005 12 23

  11. So are you trying to get pregnant? Or do you just have many false alarms? LOL.

    By candice on 2006 02 03