How to not write like a douche 28/Apr/2010

motherfk

Listen up, Blogosphere. This is part 1 of a 3 part series.

That’s right. What I have to say is so important, I am going to do it in three installments. This? Is number one.

Here is a short post on how to not write like a douche.

Its, It’s
Its is possessive. The book is torn and its page is wrinkled.
It’s is a contraction of it and is. It’s about to rain.... Read more

Avatar + Rush Limbaugh = Me 04/Feb/2010

Small fact:

This is your brain.

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This is your brain completely consumed on the dream house you are still waiting to hear about while playing cat - n - mouse with the Dept. of Ed.

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(Your brain is the fleshy delicious goodness of pig fat in this scenario.)

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Sometims Parenting Does Come With A Manual 19/Nov/2008

For a few weeks now The Little Man O screams in the car. We’re talking ear-piercing, high decibal, painfully loud, “taking others down with me” screaming.

I’m sure you can imagine.

It finally hit me last night. The car seat! Oh Mah GAWD, it’s the Car Seat.

I looked back at him pulling at the straps screaming. I went through my memories of him somehow managing to squirm out of those same straps, of him standing on the... Read more

In which I offend most of you except maybe my dad. Or Rush Limbaugh. 03/Apr/2008

Be warned, Internet. I am ticked. Ticked, tired, and in charge of tiny tiny children who have no respect for “get off the floor and stop licking that stranger’s shoes fortheloveofgodI’mnottellingyouagain.”

So.

Yesterday I

took schlepped my children

monkeys to the DMV. Having every forseen document I could think of, title of car, insurance, bank account information, birth certificate, passport, photos of my children. a letter from my teacher in fourth grade and my checkbook, I figured 2pm on a Wednesday was a... Read more

Now as a series: Mother Effer #2 12/Nov/2007

As long as people keep getting stupid, there will be a Mother F.U.C.K.E.R movement. So people? Here’s installment #2:

Apparently, get this, You aren’t supposed to eat your iphone. Right. Wanna hear that again?

Don’t. Eat. Your. iPhone.

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Are we all bumbo bumbling idiots? 25/Oct/2007

Seriously? As in ... Seriously? You’re kidding, right?

These are the first thoughts that ran through my head upon hearing about the Bumbo Seat Recall. I have a Bumbo Seat. We love the Bumbo Seat. Baby O sits up in his Bumbo Seat. It’s a blue, soft, squishy seat of wonderfulness.

Baby O give it a thumb up. Or down. He’s really not sure what those things are on the end of his hands yet…

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