{/if}

Mrs. Flinger: A work in progress

Fixing Mrs. Flinger Feb 20, 2015

I'm currently working on this website. I want to add back the links to blogs I love, some ways to find content easier, and put in archive, at last, some of the ancient articles. Come back to see updates.

How to not write like a douche Apr 28, 2010

#Life#Mother F.U.C.K.E.R.#Rants and Raves

Listen up, Blogosphere. This is part 1 of a 3 part series. That’s right. What I have to say is so important, I am going to do it in three installments. This? Is number one. Here is a short post on how to not write like a douche. Its, It’s Its is possessive. The book is torn and its page is wrinkled. It’s is a contraction of it and is. It’s about to rain. You’re vs Your Editors note: This one makes my tongue curl to the back of my throat and sputter strange noises only gophers understand, so listen up. You’re is a contraction of YOU and ARE. You’re going to DIE when I tell you this! Your is possessive. Your husband is getting you beer. (Maybe you’re still confused? Go here.) Their, There, They’re Their is possessive. Their dog... Read more

Avatar + Rush Limbaugh = Me Feb 04, 2010

#Life#Getting to know me#Mother F.U.C.K.E.R.#The Flinger Family

Small fact: This is your brain. This is your brain completely consumed on the dream house you are still waiting to hear about while playing cat - n - mouse with the Dept. of Ed. (Your brain is the fleshy delicious goodness of pig fat in this scenario.) Update: If this goes much longer my pig fat will be grilled and buttered before I have the chance to pick out colors for the new living room. The professional translation of that statement as told to me by my broker? “We’re getting closer.” I hear: Your brain tastes great around green beans OMNOMNOM *************** Now back to our story ************ We, like everyone else on the first-world-commercial-industrialized-planet (even, though questionable, the Vice President) saw Avatar a few weeks back. We loved... Read more

Sometims Parenting Does Come With A Manual Nov 19, 2008

#Life#Mother F.U.C.K.E.R.

For a few weeks now The Little Man O screams in the car. We’re talking ear-piercing, high decibal, painfully loud, “taking others down with me” screaming. I’m sure you can imagine. It finally hit me last night. The car seat! Oh Mah GAWD, it’s the Car Seat. I looked back at him pulling at the straps screaming. I went through my memories of him somehow managing to squirm out of those same straps, of him standing on the seat as I drove down the highway, and of him arching his back in defiance, which I thought was purely that, definace, when I placed him in the car. Until I remembered the manual for the seat. Maybe it was page 12 or something but it said (and I paraphrase): Duh. So today I pulled that little magic lever and VIOLA! Behold! The bucket seat... Read more

In which I offend most of you except maybe my dad. Or Rush Limbaugh. Apr 03, 2008

#Life#Getting to know me#Mother F.U.C.K.E.R.#Rants and Raves

Be warned, Internet. I am ticked. Ticked, tired, and in charge of tiny tiny children who have no respect for “get off the floor and stop licking that stranger’s shoes fortheloveofgodI’mnottellingyouagain.” So. Yesterday Itook schlepped my children monkeys to the DMV. Having every forseen document I could think of, title of car, insurance, bank account information, birth certificate, passport, photos of my children. a letter from my teacher in fourth grade and my checkbook, I figured 2pm on a Wednesday was a pretty good time to try to get our cars licensed in the Evergreen State. It’s never a good time to go to the DMV. Trust me. Never. I walk in with the baby strapped to me and toting the three year old by the arm. Three meltdowns and twenty minutes... Read more

Now as a series: Mother Effer #2 Nov 12, 2007

#Life#Mother F.U.C.K.E.R.

As long as people keep getting stupid, there will be a Mother F.U.C.K.E.R movement. So people? Here’s installment #2: Apparently, get this, You aren’t supposed to eat your iphone. Right. Wanna hear that again? Don’t. Eat. Your. iPhone. “SURGEON GENERAL’S WARNING: Ingesting or inhaling your iPhone or iPod earbuds may be hazardous to your health.” Ok, I get that people are in to burning things or sniffing things or whatever. But since when is eating your iPhone worthy of CNN reporting? Isn’t there, like, a war going on? Global warming to report about? Socialized medicine? Anything? Beuhler? No? Eating your iPhone it is, then. Good choice, CNN Chief Medical Correspondent Dr. Sanjay Gupta. Here, this is for you: Take this and stick it to your... Read more

Are we all bumbo bumbling idiots? Oct 25, 2007

#Life#Best Of#Getting to know me#Mother F.U.C.K.E.R.#Rants and Raves

Seriously? As in ... Seriously? You’re kidding, right? These are the first thoughts that ran through my head upon hearing about the Bumbo Seat Recall. I have a Bumbo Seat. We love the Bumbo Seat. Baby O sits up in his Bumbo Seat. It’s a blue, soft, squishy seat of wonderfulness. Baby O give it a thumb up. Or down. He’s really not sure what those things are on the end of his hands yet… Here’s the thing. Apparently if you place a child on top of a table or other high surface and leave them THEY MIGHT FALL OFF. Let me say that again. If you leave a child on top of something high? THEY MIGHT FALL OFF. Dude. That’s news? Shit. Really? What’s next? BEDS? (I can read it now… Mother leaves infant on bed. She leaves him unattended to have... Read more